I will be honest—there are a lot of things that I don’t understand about being male, especially nowadays. I have only ever been on one side of calling out subtle sexism, thinking twice about the social norms I buy into, or identifying with the oppressed. I call myself a feminist, but there’s a different perception of that as a female—as Maya Angelou said, “I’ve been a female for a long time now. It’d be stupid not to be on my own side.” In this world we live in men and women have different experiences—it’s a difficult gap to bridge.

That being said, when Donald Trump’s misogynist and predatory behavior reached a public peak a couple weeks ago, I was extremely grateful to see an outcry from you, my male friends and family members, apologizing for it and acknowledging the reality of that culture. So, men, I have a few things to say to you.

First and foremost, thank you. Thank you for understanding that this is a problem—from my personal experience, I saw many more men condemning Trump’s behavior than trying to justify it (though I’ve unfortunately seen that as well). The fact is that his behavior cannot be excused—we already live in a world where these things are brushed off or belittled, and Trump’s sad attempt at an “apology” is not repentance. Seizing it as such makes it that much easier for men to get away with such behavior on any scale, and makes it that much harder for women to speak up about their experiences. Thank you for not using it as an opportunity to defend yourself—I already know that “not all men” are Trump. I need you to know that Trump is a caricature of what women have to deal with every day. Thank you for understanding that this is a reality we live in, and for stepping forward to condemn it and work towards justice.

I don’t know what kind of conversation goes on in a group made up of solely men—from what I understand, it’s rarely as sexually explicit as Trump’s comments were. But I do ask that you consider your influence in changing this toxic, abusive culture. I wish it didn’t take a “what if this were your sister/wife/daughter?” for men to see the hurt that they can cause to fellow human beings, male and female, by joking or simply going along with sexist and derogatory language. I wish it could be easier to see that it hurts other people, regardless of their personal relationship to you. But we do need you—we are all in this together, because this hurts all of us.

So to the men I know—thank you. Thank you for hearing us. Thank you for objecting to an injustice, and thank you for trying to do better. And more importantly, thank you for standing by our side and recognizing that “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”