Dear Men Who Misunderstand the Meaning of Feminism,

First off, let me state that I understand not all men think like you, nor do I want to group all men into the same category. For this reason, I want to make it clear that there are many men (like my father, my brother, my former debate partner, and many more) out there who fight for the rights of women, who care about equality for all genders, and this letter is not to them. No, it is for men who think that there is such thing as female privilege, like you. This letter is for men who think they are feminists, when, like you, they are not.

Hopefully, these words will help men understand the impact that their words have because they are men and not women. Maybe, once you read this (even though I know you won’t) you will realize that your article was misinformed and brought up real issues yet failed to successfully address them. I will go over your article line-by-line and address the issues you brought up. I will explain why they don’t signify female privilege, nor do they apply to the majority of women. I will discuss the statistics you brought up about domestic violence and child abuse, and I will write about them without demeaning women in the process. To top it all off, I will explain why men like you are not feminists.

1. Women can get away with domestic violence.

First of all, this claim does not pertain to the majority of women, nor is it relevant to the majority of domestic violence incidents. This claim is just a classic case of overgeneralization in hopes of making it seem like women have privileges that men do not. This claim is not exemplary of female privilege because it does not apply to most women. The nature of the type of privilege you mentioned is innate, applicable to the majority, and not found only in case by case instances.

The claim that “women get away with domestic violence” is unfounded and incorrect. A study conducted by the University of Bristol has found that women are three times more likely than men to be arrested in domestic violence cases. This study found that, over the six-year study period, a woman was arrested for domestic abuse in one out of every three incidents. For men, this number was only one in ten.

Yes, there are women who abuse their partners and, no, not all domestic abusers are male. However, 85 percent of domestic violence victims are women and only 15 percent are men. The reason why you do not hear about women abusing their significant other is because it is relatively rare, not because women are exempt from the law. Your argument that this crime goes ignored when women are the aggressor is absurd. There is no evidence that shows a history of leniency toward women in domestic abuse cases.

2. Women win the kids in custody battles.

Your argument for the existence of female privilege is that 82.2 percent of women win custody battles, and you cite the Census Bureau. However, you misinterpret this statistic. The study you cite only states that 82.2 percent of women are the custodial parent (primary custody) not that they won custody in a trial. You misrepresent this to make it sound like the court system favors women. This is not the case.

91 percent of child custody decisions are made with no family court interference, and only four percent of custody cases go to trial. Of those four percent, 82.2 percent may result in women winning custody, but that is a small piece of the whole story. You make it seem as though every day thousands of women walk into custody hearings and then are automatically granted custody because of the family court systems gender bias. In fact, in 51 percent of all custody cases, both parents decide the mother should be the custodial parent.

3. Women win half the earnings and belongings in a divorce.

Once again you provide no evidence to support your claim and instead you just make assumptions based on a myth. Women don’t come out ahead after a divorce, nor do they get preferential treatment. Research was done by Professor Stephen Jenkins, former director of the Institute for Social and Economic Research and now at the London School of Economics, that found that, after a divorce, men are better off financially (income increases up to one-third) while women lose more than a fifth of their earnings. This is, in part, attributed to the fact that, "if the wife is no longer an earner [at the time of divorce], it's unlikely she'll be able to re-enter the workplace at the level she left." A mother who leaves her job to take care of her family is then at a financial disadvantage, should she have to return to her career after a divorce.

4. Women don’t die in combat.

Since when is it a privilege to die in combat? In case you needed a refresher on the what the definition of privilege is, it is a special right, advantage, or immunity. Last time I checked, dying in combat did not fall under that category. Not only is dying in battle not a privilege for anyone, the assumption that women do not die in combat is wrong. I’m pretty sure the families of First Lt. Ashley White and Capt. Jenny Moreno (two female soldiers who died in Afghanistan) would disagree with your argument that women don’t die in combat. I’m also pretty sure they wouldn’t call death a privilege.

Women have served on the frontline for years in Afghanistan and Iraq, despite the pentagons ban, and many have died. An estimated 300,000 women have served in Afghanistan and Iraq and so far 160 women have given their lives for this country. Don’t trivialize the lives our men and women have given by calling it a privilege, and do your research before you post.

5. Women are not shunned for molesting children.

Where is your proof that women are not shunned for child molestation? You are making wild claims that women get lighter sentences or no jail time at all, but that is completely false. Women found guilty of child molestation face the same punishments as male offenders. While you don’t hear about these types of cases as often, that may be because it is so rare in the first place. You said it yourself only 14 percent of cases involve a female perpetrator.

6. Women are more likely to find a home when in need.

Once again, I would like to point out your lack of evidence supporting your claim.

On a side note, your claim that homeless women have it easier trivializes the real issue our country faces with homelessness. We should be discussing the issue and how it should be handled. Claiming, without evidence, women are privileged because they are more likely to be sheltered when homeless deflects the real issue.

7. Women are allowed to be expressive.

You think women are praised for being expressive? Have you never heard someone say, “Stop acting like a girl?” People don’t look the other way when females get emotional, people get frustrated. While I agree that there is nothing wrong with showing emotion, our society believes that emotion is feminine. That is not a privilege. Emotion is, by and large, seen as a trait of the weak. Women are called crazy, unreasonable, or hysterical, for expressing their emotions. While the aim certainly is to have all genders be able to express their emotions without scrutiny or fear of backlash, it is hardly a privilege that women are expected to be emotional.

The final thing about your article that I want to address is your supposed support of feminism. You are not a feminist. A feminist would not have written about real issues (domestic violence, child abuse, homelessness) and then trivialized them by calling them female privilege. A feminist would have realized that none of your arguments apply to the majority of women. Therefore they cannot be grouped into one big category of female privilege. Your arguments for female privilege don’t stand when you look at the facts and credible sources. Nor do any of these arguments apply to the majority of women. Most women will not have experienced any of your so-called “privileges” in their life. If you want to write about any of your points, do a little bit more research, and don't call them female privileges.