Growing up, I was always insecure about myself–physically and emotionally. I was on a gymnastics team for most of my childhood, and almost all of my friends were ripped and tiny; I saw myself as a huge lump of coal amongst polished jewels. A little bit about my insecurities: Physically, I have pale skin, genetic cellulite, and ratty hair that can never seem to grow as long as I want it. Emotionally, I have a complicated mind that others have a hard time understanding; a personality that can never seem to stick to one friend group, and I therefore experience loneliness often. I also have an inclination to admire the weird things in life, often making me geekier than most people in society would prefer. I have always had my reservations about myself. Over the years, I have fought society’s expectations and standards, the opinions of others, and most importantly, my opinion of myself.

Today, I see myself in an entirely different light than I used to. I love my flaws and embrace who I am despite who society would have me be, but I will admit that growing confidence out of self-loathing was not an easy process. I see my friends now and think to myself, “How do they not see how beautiful they are?” “Why do they think their unique qualities are flaws?” or, “Why do they focus on the bad and neglect the good?” I remind myself that insecurity is a difficult enemy to beat, but not impossible.

For all you ladies who can’t seem to escape insecurity’s confining grip, the only enemy you have is yourself. I want you to know that despite what you tell yourself, or even what others might tell you, your worth is infinite. Your possibilities, future happiness and success, potential–is infinite. All you have to do is open your eyes and see it.

You are not what others make you believe you are.

Struggling with the opinions of others is hard. So many times you want to believe that you deserve the things that happen to you. The way people treat you is their own problem. If you genuinely try to convey love and good will to the people around you, you are already an example of goodness and genuineness to those people. If you are treated nastily in return, that is not your doing and you don’t deserve to be treated that way. You have to remind yourself that you are one person; you can only do what one person can, and if that is not enough to other people, then that it not your concern. What goes around comes around; one day you will see the result of your kindness, you won’t be taken for granted, and you will be valued so much more than you can imagine… But others can’t be the measure of your self-worth. You need to know how wonderful YOU are regardless of what others might say.

You are not what you tell yourself you are.

As your friend, I can see through the walls you put up around yourself. I can see through your sarcastic jokes, or your faux-confidence, or your nonchalant requests for compliments; I’ve been there before. You make a good effort to mask your inhibitions, but hiding them won’t relieve the pressure you put yourself under. If you could see yourself the way I, and so many people who know you, see you, then you would see how you don’t need the mask–you don’t need anything but you. You are wonderful, hilarious, genuine, hospitable, relatable, exclusive, and most importantly, deserving of the credit you receive. The more you rehearse your flaws to yourself, the deeper you dig the hole you’re in. Take a step back and try to see yourself the way the people who love you see you. When someone tells you how pretty you are, tell yourself the same thing. When someone tells you that you deserve better, tell yourself you deserve better. Even when someone doesn’t say anything, that doesn’t decrease your value. You alone are amazing, and I wish more than anything that you would see that.

Confidence is easier to find than you probably think. Take a moment and think to yourself about the times that you have felt genuinely good about something you said or did. Now think of the qualities that made that action possible. Now think of how those qualities make you who you are. Utilize your strengths–you know you have them. Uplift the good and do away with the bad. For those of us who aren’t naturally blessed with confidence, it takes practice, but we are just as wonderful as the next person.

Give yourself credit. Don’t feel selfish for acknowledging your worth. Search yourself for the things that make you unique and utilize them to show yourself that you can beat the insecurities that have weighed you down for so long. Show the world how amazing you are, but more so, show yourself how amazing you are.