Breakups suck, there’s no sugar coating it. You lose a part of yourself and your entire world shifts. But with the bad comes the good, and there’s always a lesson to be learned in your darkest places.

Dear You,

I knew from the moment we met, how stupid I would be to fall for you. You had it all: the hair, the smile that could light up a room and that great personality. It’s always been you. The person I pictured college with, the person I wanted next to me on my wedding day. I wanted you to be happily ever after, but we obviously want different things. I’m not here to bash you or say, “I hate you,” because that’s not true. I think you’re incredible, and I still can’t help, but smile when I think of you.

You taught me a lot, and I’m extremely thankful for the relationship that we had. But the person I fell in love with is gone. You’ve shown me your true colors and quite frankly, I don’t like what I see. I gave you my everything and that still wasn’t enough. But I still gave even when you weren’t because I wanted to fight. But you didn’t. I bent over backwards for you and you still walked away. After all the promises, heart to hearts, laughs and memories, you left me like I was nothing, like it was easy. Months of investing myself in you and letting down my walls for you to wake up one day and find that you decided you didn’t want me anymore.

But you still expected me to stick around and be your puppet that you controlled. I told you no and you got mad at me. You were upset with me for protecting myself because once again, you want what's best for you.

Honestly, me telling you “no” was the best thing I could have done for myself because I stood up for myself and I knew my worth.

What I want and desire isn’t something you could ever give me because to have a serious relationship, you need to be mature and that’s something you lack, tremendously. I want someone that I can count on during the good and the bad. You only run when things get bad because you’re not ready to let go of your pride. Not even for me.

I’ve learned that it will always be you before me. You will always put yourself before me. And I desire selflessness, someone that’s going to take care of me and will love me endlessly through the good and bad. I need stability and sadly, you can’t give me those things. I thank God for placing you in my life and for the time we had together. This relationship was one step closer to Mr. Right. I have peace in knowing that we each took away positives from the relationship. But I know deep down, you aren’t my forever and you have a lot of growing up to do.

I wish the best for you and I’m going to be the best for myself. I’m going to laugh, be happy and become the person God planned for me to be. One day, I will wake up and not think about you or wonder who you’re talking to. One day, I’ll let go of the memories that hurt like hell to think about. But for now, I’m OK with being broken because I know God is working. I’m OK with being me without you.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Loved You First

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” -- Jeremiah 29:11