For years I have struggled with my faith in God. I was angry, hurt, afraid. I began to push people away in their efforts to help me heal, and in doing that I fell even further away from God. I told Him that I hated Him, that I would never forgive Him. In the blindness of my grief I have hurt the people that I truly care about, and I hurt the One who truly cares about me.
Maybe your story isn't so far from mine. Maybe you've had something traumatic happen in your life that's left you broken and lost. You might have lost sight of your faith and what's really important to you because you were hurting. But maybe you haven't had anything large happen in your life. Maybe you grew up going to church, living in a house where God's word was present. Maybe you simply don't know where to start in growing a relationship with God. And let me tell you something...
It's okay.
This world can be rotten, and sometimes we don't always understand what's going on in our lives. People come and go, relationships end. Words are exchanged that can only be forgiven and not forgotten. It can be hard, and that's why we have to find those people to cling to that will never stop trying to help us find the right path. In my incredible and heartbreaking journey, I've found those people. I've found (more like realized who they were) those Godly women that have never left my side through my story.
To those women who have always supported me... thank you. It took me years to realize that God was working through you to reach out to me. I pushed you all away because I didn't care about whatever it was that God wanted. But I can say that I've changed. Through your persistence and your never ending love and support, I've found my path again.
Thank you for all the times that you've posted a link to a worship song on my Facebook timeline or for texting me a bible verse. I may not have always responded... I may not have listened to the song, but it did make a difference. It showed that you cared, and that you were thinking of me. I know that now.
To all of my aunts and the other women in my life who have forced me to go church when I literally begged you not to make me go... thank you. Whether I realized it or not, being in that environment brought me a little closer to Him, even in the times when I was furious with Him.
Thank you for all of the recent times that I have called you because I crying or angry about a certain class that was questioning my faith. Thank you for listening and encouraging me and reminding me that everything is in His hands.
Because of you I have grown in my faith. I find beauty in the stars and everyday things and the little things in people. I can look at the mountains and find hope. Through you, I've grown. I can now say that I'm not angry like I used to be... the hurt that's been placed in my life will never leave, but it will continue to make me stronger and pull me closer to God. And it's all because of you that I believe that again.
