Dear self-centered brat,

With all due respect, get off your high horse. Your narcissism and self-absorption could rival that of Kanye West. It seems that the Napoleon complex is not limited to men since there appears to be a direct correlation between the volume of your shrill voice and your height; the shorter you are, the louder you seem to get. It appears that you fear no one will be able to see you down there, so you must make your presence known. But for the love of god, trust me; we know you are there. You don't let anyone forget. And we’d all still know that you are there even if you brought your voice down 20 decibels.

And I do understand that you are not secure enough with yourself, so you must seek validation from others, but not inviting certain girls out with us because they are “hotter” than you, getting mad when boys pay attention to anyone with a female anatomy who isn’t you, and assuming every compliment thrown in the direction of our group is for you is so elementary, immature, and ridiculous it almost makes me ashamed that we are the same gender. And littering your snap story with selfies of you and every single guy at the party does not make you look desired: it makes you look desperate. And frankly, it makes everyone uncomfortable when you keep snatching their boyfriends for a face-swap snap. There are plenty of not-taken guys here, but you aren’t satisfied until you have demanded attention from EVERY male in the room; single or not.

And no, please do not try to have sex with that guy. He has a girlfriend. I don’t care that you are more attractive than her, and you are, trust me, but that’s not the point. If you try to “get” this guy, he is going to turn you down, remind you that he has a girlfriend, and I am going to have to be there to pick up the shattered piece of your ego.

You only invite girlfriends to things when you know it will just be the girls. When boys will be places, you seem to forget you have girlfriends. Even if plans were made earlier, your phone will “stop working”. But when you want to gorge yourself on Chipotle without makeup and in sweats, the girls get a call. And as soon as any attractive male walks into frame, your personality changes from docile to hysterical. Suddenly, every joke is absolutely hilarious, you are the happiest girl on the planet, and you are just having so much fun. I wonder what we can attribute that shift in your personality too? Maybe it might have something to do with the two frat boys wearing muscle shirts that just strolled by. Just a thought, though.

And I don’t know if your wardrobe contains anything that would be considered modest. Everything designed to cover your butt is skin-tight and all of your shirts are low cut. Even your PJs. I don’t know how you manage to do this, but you somehow do. Sometimes I think the only thing lower than your self-esteem is the cut of your shirt. And please, stop asking the group chat what everyone is wearing before we go out so you can make sure to one up us. We all might be in shorts and converse, but you will certainly be showing up in full glam makeup, heels, and a skirt-crop-top combo. We get it, you need to feel like the best looking one in the group. And congratulations, you won. You look better than the rest of us. You feel good about yourself yet? Do you feel like the queen? I hope to god you do because it’s annoying the crap out of everyone else.

And let’s talk about your social media. Even though you have a healthy group of friends, regularly hang out with several different circles of people, your Instagram is mostly selfies and single shots of you looking extra hot. This is not because you are never around friends, mostly because you need to be sure the validation you're seeking from likes is going straight to you.

You continue to lead boys on and then complain how they won’t leave you alone. Yet, you can never tell them you’re not interested because that would mean you would stop receiving the praise, the compliments, and the attention you desire so badly. You could be honest and direct with the gentleman callers, but that would mean your ego would deflate like Tom Brady got a hold of it, since those boys were the ones inflating it so much. The humble bragging is barely even humble anymore. Even your self-deprecating jokes seem to be compliments in disguise.

You’re a good person, but the reason you seem to have a limited number of female or guy friends is because no one wants to live in your god damn shadow. Just because the attention could be on someone else for a few minutes does not mean everyone has forgotten about you, merely, we just don’t have the energy to endorse your vanity 24/7. So please, don’t take offense when another girl is paid a compliment. It does not mean you are not gorgeous, it just means someone else can be too.

Sincerely,

Everyone else