I would like to be civil about this. I would like to say that I don’t hate you and that I understand what you did, but I can’t. Part of me will always dislike you, and will think poorly of you. It is human nature to be wary of someone who lures you in with kind words and camaraderie and then stabs you in the back. I will not apologize for how I feel, or the terrible, despicable things I’ve said about you. Or rather, I will not apologize to you. The only person I have to answer to is God, and the only reason I will forgive you is because God insists that it’s the right thing to do. It is not my place to disagree with Him, but I know that it will continue to be, very hard for me to forgive the both of you. But we all make mistakes, some just cause more damage than others. I will forgive, but never forget. Because after this letter, I will give you less and less of my time, until you are just another fleeting memory that I can think away.

You realized you were losing him once he found me, and like any teenage girl might, you only wanted what you couldn’t have. You messaged me, attempted to befriend me. You said lovely things about him that I knew to be true. I thought you weren’t too bad, and, had he not been our grounds for meeting, I could have seen myself liking you. That was not the case, so I thought nothing of it and we went our separate ways.

The following months were the happiest of my life. We loved like it was going out of style. Took lots of trips, and much to our surprise, found out about our lovely bundle of joy coming in October. It was fast, but it was right and I was looking forward to a beautiful life with my soulmate. That is, until a week before our baby shower.

I got curious, and while he was away at class, I snooped around and opened his email. I saw pictures of you. Pictures I never wanted to see, but pictures I’m sure he had asked for. I was, understandably, crushed. Whether it was from the pregnancy hormones, or the pain of being deceived, I tore into him, a woman scorned. And he apologized, saying that the pictures were old, and no he hadn’t talked to you, and he told me of a few incidents in which he had cheated. He assured me that was all. But as I’m sure you know, that was far from the truth.

I found out weeks later that he had kissed you and had another intimate encounter with you not even twenty four hours after he had asked me to be his girlfriend. The entire year we were together, he had had more encounters, never in person, but you both had discussed meeting up. There were phone calls, and pictures and private, and obviously sexual, conversations. My entire world had been crumbling, but I sensed there was more, so I messaged you, and I am thankful that I did.

You were honest, you told me that you had talked, and through that, he had been unfaithful. But when you told me that, once he found out I was pregnant with our little boy, he messaged you and told you he loved you, I was heartbroken. Even in the wake of this exciting addition to our little family, you still found your way into his life.

You two collectively had made what should have been the most exciting, happy time in my life a terrifying, agonizing nightmare in which I didn’t know if my baby would have a whole family, or even a father at all.

When my little Bean was born, I saw a change in his father, and the boy you and I both loved, became a man. A man neither of us knew, but a man none the less. One that I am learning more about every day. One that is mine, and his son’s and no one else’s.

I understand that you must get some power trip from controlling aspects of his life, and hurting other people. I understand how you are because I was just like you. With a low self-esteem powering all of your actions, you thrive on people’s attention, and you collect it. If it was tangible, you’d display it. You need to be needed, and will get that gratification at any cost. I was you.

However, I’d like to thank you, because although this wasn’t entirely your fault, and most of it didn’t include you, your part in it taught me a lot, mostly about myself. It spoke volumes to me. It taught me that I am capable of overcoming ANYTHING. No matter what, I am a resilient and strong woman, mother and wife. This did break me, but like a bone, my shattered segments are growing back with a stronger bond then I ever knew was possible.

I also am grateful because I saw a different side of my husband. I saw all the ugly parts, the scared, vulnerable parts, and I love him more for it. We communicate better than ever, and even though there’s a lot of work to do, I am confident, because we are starting over and are stronger than ever.

Now, as I sit here in my beautiful little home, with my bubbly baby boy, who looks just like his daddy, waiting for my loving husband to come home, I pray for you.

I pray that you find happiness in something other than hurting people, and that whatever is broken inside you will be fixed. Whatever makes you crave attention will one day be resolved. I pray that you will turn to God to fix the hurting parts of you, and not to mindless, indulgent sexual acts. I hope you will find happiness, and I can assure you will. I know that there is good in everyone and that everyone makes mistakes but for future reference, your happiness will not be found in anyone else’s husband. Especially mine.