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An Open Letter To My Depression

I hate you, please leave my life

Kristen Kowalski

Mar 06, 2017

Westminster College Pennsylvania

600

Pexels

Dear depression,

You walked in to my life about a year ago. Ever since then, I’ve hated you with a huge passion. You made me feel like I was worth nothing. And on some days, you still do. You made me stop loving the sport that has been my life for as long as I can remember. But I will fight you on this. I will not let you take soccer away from me. With every setback, you made me believe that I’ve made no progress in getting better. But I know that’s a lie, because looking back on the past few months I’m a lot stronger than I was and I can fight you even on days when I don’t feel like I can.

You made me want to push away my friends because I hate bothering them with my problems when it was same thing every single time. You made me want to give up and not be alive anymore, but you know what - I have a great life and I’m trying my best to not let you ruin that. I deserve to be happy and even though most days you tell me I don’t, I know I do. There’s this thing you like to do. You leave my life for a few days or weeks then you come back and hit me harder in the face then you did before.

You make me hate going to classes I should enjoy, you make me think that college isn’t for me. You make me think that I’m a bother to everyone around me. But I guess that’s what you do, you want me to stay all sad and depressed. If I don’t, you don’t know how to live. You feed off all of my insecurities and make me feel like I’m nothing in this world.

Here a thing for you, I’m done letting you take control of my life and my happiness. I’m taking control now. This is my life and I don’t want you to be a part of it anymore. You don’t get to tell me not to get out of bed because is too hard to. You don’t get to tell me I’m not good enough. You don’t get to take control of my life anymore I’m done with your games.

Please leave.

Sincerely,

The girl who hates being sad all the time

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An Open Letter To My Depression

I hate you, please leave my life

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!