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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Depression

I hate you, please leave my life

Kristen Kowalski

Mar 06, 2017

Westminster College Pennsylvania

599

Pexels

Dear depression,

You walked in to my life about a year ago. Ever since then, I’ve hated you with a huge passion. You made me feel like I was worth nothing. And on some days, you still do. You made me stop loving the sport that has been my life for as long as I can remember. But I will fight you on this. I will not let you take soccer away from me. With every setback, you made me believe that I’ve made no progress in getting better. But I know that’s a lie, because looking back on the past few months I’m a lot stronger than I was and I can fight you even on days when I don’t feel like I can.

You made me want to push away my friends because I hate bothering them with my problems when it was same thing every single time. You made me want to give up and not be alive anymore, but you know what - I have a great life and I’m trying my best to not let you ruin that. I deserve to be happy and even though most days you tell me I don’t, I know I do. There’s this thing you like to do. You leave my life for a few days or weeks then you come back and hit me harder in the face then you did before.

You make me hate going to classes I should enjoy, you make me think that college isn’t for me. You make me think that I’m a bother to everyone around me. But I guess that’s what you do, you want me to stay all sad and depressed. If I don’t, you don’t know how to live. You feed off all of my insecurities and make me feel like I’m nothing in this world.

Here a thing for you, I’m done letting you take control of my life and my happiness. I’m taking control now. This is my life and I don’t want you to be a part of it anymore. You don’t get to tell me not to get out of bed because is too hard to. You don’t get to tell me I’m not good enough. You don’t get to take control of my life anymore I’m done with your games.

Please leave.

Sincerely,

The girl who hates being sad all the time

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Open Letter To My Depression

I hate you, please leave my life

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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