Whether it’s good news or bad news— you are who I come to first.
You’ve wiped away my tears and calmed my excited squeals.
You’ve told me time and time again to not count my chickens before they hatch, and in the same day, you have given me the courage I thought I had lost years ago.
While I am forever grateful for all you do, I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. Is being my friend too much? Do I stress you out? Are my cries for help just something you’re used too, my reactions no longer surprising because they’re expected?
Furthermore, is this friendship no longer a friendship, but a relationship of habit?
The truth is….
I can’t speak for you. I will never know how much I’ve impacted your life, how many nights i’ve been the root cause of your concern. I won’t ever know how irritating my anxious tendencies can be, but what I can speak to is how much you have meant to me.
There will be times when I feel like a burden for you. There will be times where I feel less than worthy of the friendship you’ve given me. There will be times where my moods won’t make any sense, and my tears just another part of the day. But even when i’m confusing, even when I get on your last nerve, know that the stability I feel because of you— is what gets me through. Your strength, your kindness, your ability to calm even the harshest of storms, it is the greatest gift I could ask for. I am humbled to be in the presence of such a wonderful spirit, and even more honored to get to call you my best friend.
I know that my depression is just a part of me, I know it’s something that isn’t brought up all the time, and I know you do your best to keep my mind off any triggers. You’ve done a wonderful job of accepting me as I am, and I can’t thank you enough. Just know, that I know that it probably isn’t easy having a friend like me— but I value you, I appreciate you, and I need you.
I’ve always believed that friends energize each other, we charge the next up— because we are a unit, a system; and no matter how many unexpected shorts, sparks, or (let’s be honest) straight up flames we experience; we make it through, because we are meant to be in each others lives.
At the end of the day, this letter started as an apology but shifted to something else. It is now meant to be a hundred hugs, a thousand Netflix nights, a million milkshakes— a sincere thank you. Words can’t sum up what this friendship means to me—and be it for another five minutes or another 500 years, it’s been the best part of my life, and you have been the best part of me.
