Most of the people that I know well are aware of the fact that I am the daughter of a pastor. Respectfully I say that I had no decision in the matter, I was born into this way of life. This happened to be my path.
You see, my brother will be 24 in December, I will be 21 in November, and my father’s ministry as a pastor will be officially be 23 years old in the middle of September. All of this means that my brother was 9 months old when my father took on his role as a pastor. Now that means that I was born into all of this. As soon as I made my world-debut in 1995, I was already labeled as a pastor’s kid. I’ve never been into labels; so let me assure you that I am much more than “just” a pastor’s kid.
That label is often limiting, in all regards, and with many diverse groups of people. Everyone has some type of commentary whenever they discover that a part of my identity is my membership at a congregation as a pastor’s daughter. It’s not only churchgoers that have ideas of what I’m like for whatever reasons, but it’s everyone. From elderly individuals to five year olds that I nanny, to colleagues in college, I’ve heard a lot of the comments and questions. In the last two decades, I’ve noticed a lot of curiosity and overlap with these questions, while also garnering more intricate and unusual questions.
I’ve concocted a list of the top five questions, statements, or assumptions that I hear too often as a pastor’s daughter. If you happen to be the child of a pastor (or another religious leader) and you’ve heard these before, trust me you’re not the only one. If you are someone who knows a PK and you’ve wanted to ask one of the following questions or make one of the following statements or assumptions, rest assured that you won’t be the first person.
1. You were forced to attend church, get baptized, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I know of many instances where this was the case. But I personally was never forced to go anywhere. As a child my parent’s brought me to church, just as they brought me grocery shopping, clothing shopping, and to Home Depot. From a young age my parent’s instilled in me the significance of having a relationship with the Almighty and with a unified group that shares similar values. I have always loved going to church. I always sat next to my mom in the second bench dancing, jumping, and singing out loud. Years later, that’s still me. I made my congregation relevant to me and I decided that I wanted to have a part in all of it. No one else decided that for me, I did. You simply can’t force a decision like that, it won’t work.
2. You’re so normal.
What does that mean? I feel like a lot of people have misconceptions about young people/PKs who belong to a church. We still listen to a variety of music, watch tv, complain about bad professors, and do lots of things that “normal” people do, with some limitations, based on personal beliefs.
3. You carry your father’s reputation.
This one strikes a chord with me. I carry my own reputation. My father is a leader of integrity and he is a peaceful man, and I wholeheartedly admire that. But, I want that for myself. I have my own reputation that I have already made and am continuing to build upon. I act the way that I do, not because of my father’s name and reputation, but because I have my own morals, ideals, and desires to carry a good name.
4. You’re the perfect and innocent little pastor’s kid.
Who told you that? We all go through things and as a pastor’s kid with an audience, that doesn’t mean that things don’t get rough and get put on a public display. Some people seem to think that PKs are supposed to be immune from life, like struggles don’t come our way. So wrong, it’s quite the opposite, actually. It’s not about the poor decisions that we make or the things that happen to us, it’s how we handle those situations. Do we face them with integrity and respect, or do we allow the issues to consume us?
5. Why do you hang out with non-religious people?
I have actually only heard this from people who don’t attend a church. It’s the so-called “non-religious” people that have asked me this question. I don’t think that going to church makes you a saint or even a decent human being. I know plenty of people who look upon homeless individuals with mercy, and have no connection to a church or a higher power, and that’s okay for them. There’s good and bad everywhere, along with decency and indecency. I primarily base who I hang out with on a few things: their positivity, kindness, compassion, ability to make me laugh, and their ability to make me feel happy all around. That’s it. I don’t need my friends to wear a necklace with a cross or the Star of David on it. Show me who you are as a person, and I’ll decide for myself.
With this, I will conclude. A certain part of my path was predestined for me, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’m where I’m supposed to be right now and I made my own decisions to get here, with guidance and prayer. I am a PK but there’s much more to me than just that title.
