Monster(n): “a creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening.”

Imagine a monster.

Think of the ugliest, scariest, most horrifying, tear producing, scream inducing monster. Something you see in your worst nightmare, maybe even a horror film.

Now that you have the image of this awful monster in your head, let me tell you about your monster.

Your monster follows you everywhere- in all of its hideous, petrifying glory. It creeps up while you spend time with family and friends, while you go grocery shopping, while you work, while you lay on your couch and watch a movie. Your monster follows you through every single daily activity, and never leaves your side.

Your monster not only stalks your entire day, but follows you to bed at night. You are exhausted, it’s been a long, busy day- that’s if your monster let you get out of bed to live it. But your monster needs attention, too. Your monster stares at you while you try and sleep, stomps all over you, jumps on top of you, screams at you, sucks every last bit of life out of you- this monster makes you feel helplessly debilitated, because you can never catch a break.

You can scream at your monster too, even try giving it the attention you think it needs- but it isn’t enough. No matter how you treat your monster, it still follows you everywhere, and has no problem making it known that it is present.

Imagine how awful life with this clingy monster is- you get no peace, no quiet, no relief. You are constantly nervous, hazy, scared, yet numb, feeling as if someone is breathing down your neck at all times. This tormenting monster chases you- with its disgusting, terrifying, adrenaline producing ways. It doesn’t matter if you are exhausted, sad, angry, happy, excited, confident- your monster doesn’t care.

Now you may be wondering, why imagine this monster? Where does this monster come from?

…… And the answer is simple. Of the 319 million people that reside in the United States, 3.3 million were given these monsters.

I was born with this monster. This monster is me. This monster lives inside of my head.

Genetics give me this monster, school and work give me this monster, socializing gives me this monster, amongst endless other things.

Doctors know the most about this monster though- they even chose a name for it-

Anxiety and Depression.

I suffer from anxiety and depression, and (most of the time) I am not afraid to admit that. Anxiety and depression is my monster.

Let me tell you though, it is so embarrassing, humiliating, and debilitating to know and feel this monster. And unfortunately, my monster gets the best of me sometimes.

Do you see me irritable, sad, disinterested, short-tempered, angry, and hurt?

Unfortunately for me, my monster makes me feel that way. And I am sorry that the way my monster makes me feel can hurt you sometimes. If you sense that my monster is making me act and feel that way, don’t be afraid to ask if something is wrong. I can guarantee, it will help me face my monster.

But one thing I am not sorry for, is having a monster.

Because no matter how upset I get with my monster, how exhausting it is, how hard it makes living daily life- I was born with this monster, I was meant to have it, and I wouldn’t change it. As ugly and horrifying as this monster is, it is part of who I am and regardless of how painful and awful it makes life- it also makes me strong.

So please know, I have a monster inside of my head. I can’t get rid of it because it is meant to be there. Sometimes my monster is more powerful than normal, but know that I am doing all that I can to battle my monster.