I get it. You love him.
I get it. He actually does love you.
I get that you are so invested that you are floating in the few positive moments in a sea of negative ones.
I get that you have no idea this letter is intended for you.
Dear Friend,
Sometimes we, as humans, find ourselves holding onto people or moments that truly anchor us down. Sometimes we search for the tiniest bits of beauty because we don’t want to see the bad. Sometimes our minds paint pictures of what he could be, of what you could be, of what life could be if one, little thing was different. One, little thing. The unhealthy relationship.
Maybe it's the attachment to any attention is good attention. Maybe it's the insecurities that flow through your blood that feel better when he makes you bleed. When his words pierce your skin, that's when you can breath. It’s the constant waiting for what's to come next that causes your throat to close and your chest to cave in.
Maybe it's the way his eyes get soft when he realizes he hurt you. But you know they darken faster then your heart can heal. Maybe it's the way he makes you feel like you couldn’t do better than him. You can do better than him. Maybe its that he can be nice… sometimes. Is it the feeling of longing for him makes you think you have something? Is it you’re too scared to be alone? Is it the way he kisses the bruises he created that pull you farther and farther in?
Dear Friend,
You are beautiful, and not because you are fragile in a toxic relationship. You are beautiful because you have the potential to recognize the turmoil, creating a garden out of dirt. You have the ability to hold the hands of the loved ones around you, feeding strength from their palms to yours to understand you are strong enough. You have the friends that see what a lovely day could look like. You are beautiful because you have the capacity to overcome your distorted vision of yourself. You can fall, you can cut the rope of the anchor, and you can sail into arms that are anxious to patch your tares. You are beautiful in colors other than black and blue.
Maybe he doesn’t physically leave scars, but I have spent enough nights with your tear stained cheeks and your exhausted mind. Maybe he actually does have a good side, but I have seen the disrespect he coats your relationship in.
Maybe he will change, and maybe for the better. But you can do better than his best could ever be. You have the support around you, you have people who will continue to be your armor. You have the qualities of an individual who deserves to be with someone who truly loves you for who you are. You deserve to be with someone who will kiss the scars others created and promise to never leave a mark on your skin. You deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you, who wants to listen and talk to you, who sees you in ways you never thought you could see yourself.
Dear Friend in an Unhealthy Relationship,
It pains me to watch you suffer. It hurts to know that I can’t make you see the magic in leaving this relationship. I know that all I can do is stand by your side, continuing to support you as I try to help you see how beautiful you truly are.
With love,
W.
