To all the boys out there that have a female "best friend,"
Yup that's me. The girl who's been sharing secrets and sundaes with you since 8th grade, but only "as friends." I'm here to tell you, very simply, that you're an idiot. And I like you. I mean, LIKE you like you. And there have been many times I've tried to prove it to you where you have been completely oblivious. Such as:
1. Anytime we hug, I treat each one like a special gift from the Big Man Upstairs. Even going so far as to cling slightly longer, even after you've already loosened your grip around me.
2. I laugh at all of your jokes, even when they get old. Oh, another Donald Trump jab? The same one you told me and all your other friends an hour ago? And the day before that? Yup, still funny.
3. I quickly lose my relaxed demeanor anytime you mention a girl who isn't me. On the inside I'm suddenly in an old Western movie tying that girl to railroad tracks as a steam engine comes hurdling her way. I stand back with a maniacal laugh while I rub my hands together in that way that only a super villain can pull off, accompanied by my stellar handlebar mustache of course. But back in reality, I smile and nod while responding with short comments like "Yeah she seems cool I guess." and occasionally throwing in the small "I don't know, she has horse teeth."
4. And who can forget all those times I helped you with your problems. Whether they be a last-minute study session, a lift home, or a cry-on-my-shoulder type issue, I was always there for you to lean on. And anytime you told me I was "the best", I secretly swelled with joy until I thought I might pop.
But no, despite all of these clues you still never put it all together. Like I said, your an idiot. Fortunately for you, I love that about you.
Now I know what you're thinking, "If you felt this way, why didn't you tell me bestie?"
For one very big reason, my friend. I. Am. Terrified.
By this point, you have become such a massive part of my life that any obstacle that might disrupt this perfect and delicate balance we have between us gives me nightmares. I will never be able to convince myself to tell you how I feel in hopes of you feeling the same way. I will always be the supporting role in this movie where you're the star who finds love with someone else. I might always live my life wondering "what if?" What if I told you? What if you liked me back? What if we could've lived happily ever after and blah blah blah?
By now you'd probably tell me, "You shouldn't live your life with regrets."
Well, while I completely agree with your statement, I refuse to put myself at risk of losing something I love. And that something is you. So I will stay content until you decide to actually put the puzzle pieces together and figure it out for yourself. If you ever do. You're an idiot, but I love you.
Love always,
Miss Full-of-Regret
