This isn’t going to be sentimental, or kindly asking for a white flag to be waved. This isn’t for me to say that I miss you and hope that you’re doing well.
This is for me to finally say what I couldn’t find the words behind the betrayal, the anger, and the tears. Because you hurt me; you were once a friend that I would’ve done anything for, and now I have some things to say to you.
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There is a saying that goes, “The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” It always hurts the most when it comes from a person you loved, and I can now account for that.
You treated me like I was nothing.
For most of my life, I put other people’s happiness before my own because that’s what made me happy. I put so much into our friendship; so much effort into making sure that you felt needed and loved. I gave and gave and gave, and all you did was take. It was one of the worst one-sided friendships I’ve ever encountered in my life, and I considered you to be one of my closest friends.
The amount of disrespect you gave me, after everything that I had done for you, was shocking, appalling even. The fact that you could treat another person the way you did will always be a mystery to me.
You took advantage of our friendship.
I’ve come to learn that being selfish is a necessary part of life; being selfish is natural and healthy. As humans, we have to make choices that are best for ourselves at times. But there’s a huge difference between being selfish and being self-centered; because when all you do is think of yourself, do things for personal gain, and choose when to be there for someone because it’s “convenient,” that’s called being self-centered, and that’s when you need to reevaluate who you are as a person.
That is not what friendship is. I am not something that you can use to get an ego boost, but that’s what you used me for. I built you up, I listened to all your problems, I was there when you were broken, but where were you when I needed you?
You put me through hell and left me there.
I think what hurt the most was knowing that I would’ve done anything for you, and that it wouldn’t be reciprocated. You cared more about yourself than to realize that you were treating your friends like garbage. You became spiteful, and you lost what little love you had for your friends. I felt betrayed, used, and ultimately unwanted; three things that a person should never use to describe someone they care about.
When it all came to an end, you made sure to try to bring me down to my lowest point, and you did. You completely destroyed me. I felt numb to emotion, as if they had been shut off due to an emotional overdrive. I was left broken for months after you showed me your true colors.
And now, I’m going to thank you.
Thank you, for showing me what I deserve in life, and what I don’t. I used to let people walk all over me in fear of confrontation, but you taught me that I need to stand up for my feelings and what I know I deserve. Because I know I deserved a lot more than how you treated me.
Thank you, for showing me what it was like to truly forgive someone. I was so angry at you, and sometimes when I think back to that time in my life, my blood pressure rises. But I gave that anger away to God a long time ago; I was sick of that anger poisoning me. And it took a long time and a lot of work, but I forgave you, because you’re human, and you’re flawed. Regardless of if I agree with your choices or not, you were trying to do what you thought was best for you, and I cannot hold that against you.
Thank you for making me appreciate the people that truly love me. I had to reevaluate a lot of things during this point in my life, and friendships was one of them. I began to realize that I had let a lot of people treat me poorly because I was afraid that they wouldn’t like me if I stood up to them. And I was done with that. I began to spend more time with people that continuously brought me up, inspired me, boosted my confidence, and could talk about things in life that had deeper meaning. You made me realize that I had let people into my life that didn’t deserve my time, and I thank you because you gave me the push to really cut out the negative people, yourself included.
I wish you the best of luck wherever you end up; things may not have ended the best for us, but I will never wish ill will onto you. I truly hope you learn from this and learn to treat the people you love better. I wish I could stay to see that, but this is my goodbye to you.
“All there is left to do is forgive and forget… so I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you.” –Lauren Conrad, "The Hills"
