You might be wondering why someone nearing the end of her undergrad is passionate enough to write an article on this subject...
Well the answer is quite simple, I'm you in the future--just kidding-- but I did have a really uneasy first year of college and I will never forget the mistakes I made, the tears I cried, the people I trusted, and the friends I gained through the mess I felt I became.
I know that the world is crumbling for you right now. Maybe it's-preexisting depression/anxiety--you go to sleep at night and it takes everything ounce of energy to just get out of bed--or you are reluctant to approach new people because you fear that there is something inherently wrong with you.
Maybe you find yourself avoiding meals because you were warned about the freshman- fifteen, so you can't focus on the things you love because you're busy internally arguing whether or not it was a mistake to eat that apple and how much exercise it will take to burn the calories.
Perhaps it was someone who hurt you-- You found out the hard way how similar "genuine caring" and manipulation can look in a certain light. You are now reluctant to trust people so you channel your energy into productive things that could never hurt you.
Maybe there was a traumatic event that you can't bring yourself to speak about out loud. You found yourself in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Now you are so ashamed because you don't know how you could be dumb enough to "let" yourself be another statistic.
Maybe it's a combination of a number of these things, or none of these-- regardless, please don't give up-- even if it feels like you can't do anything right, you are doing so much better than you think.
College is so commercialized and romanticized, but the reality is that it's not just a balance between studying and partying. This is your first attempt at learning how to live life, and life is all about mistakes in one form or another until you die.
When you feel like a failure, just remember that a mistake does not define you, but making mistakes is a sign that you're trying-- that you're still a living, breathing, human being.
You deserve so much better than the circumstances you feel like you are suffocated by at this moment--and I promise if you hang in there, you'll learn how to breathe once more.
