Dear Relationship,

I know it's been a while, but I feel like I need to clear some things up.

First, I should apologize for the things he and I did to make you toxic in the first place, although those aren't exactly crystal clear. I should also tell you that, as hard as it is to admit, I miss you. Not the fighting or the games, but simply your being. That doesn't mean though that I want you back in my life, and you need to understand why.

When I think back and try to figure out exactly how you became toxic for us, I come to the conclusion that I don't know how things transformed into the smoky mess that they did. I don't know when or where that line between healthy and happy to harmful and angry was crossed.

I never imagined I would even use the word "toxic." It's something you hear in movies and Britney Spears songs. But I suppose until you are being poisoned yourself, you don't understand the harsh reality of being in a toxic relationship.

Like a drug, you were an addiction. I craved the highest highs after the lowest lows and was intoxicated with the idea of love. You see, the problem was that you had a strange way of making me feel lost and hopeless yet sure and complete at the same time. I struggled for months to decide which was more valuable, which side I should listen to.

I was lost and confused for so long, not realizing just how many pieces were being shattered and how much they were causing me pain. I had lost so much of myself trying to keep the pieces together, stuck in a dreamlike state where I ignored my reality. When I finally woke up, I could see how badly my mirror was broken and my reflection blurred. I knew I needed to work on gluing those pieces back together. I needed to be whole again.

I need you to understand that my choice to walk away was not easy. I also don't want you to see it as "giving up." I hope you can see that the two individuals you united were not good together. You made them play a mental tug-of-war that the both of them were trying to win. They should have been working together, yet day by day they grew to be more and more against each other. Eventually, it became too difficult for them to continue playing and pulling on that rope. Holding on was wearing them down, causing more harm than good.

I hope you understand that they need to learn how to be happy as individuals first and foremost. They need to make their own well-beings a priority. They need to rid themselves of any toxicity that has poisoned them.

Please know that I don't blame you and I'm not bitter. You opened my eyes to what I need, what is right for me, and what I am worth. Because of that, I thank you. Thank you for pointing me toward the road to happiness and self-acceptance.

If ever you decide to intoxicate others, I hope you can help them as well.