Hey there,
It has been a while since we last spoke, even longer since we saw each other. I want you to know that this is in no way a malicious attempt at inducing guilt upon you. I know we have never had a father-daughter relationship, but I want you to know I hold nothing against you. Everything I am about to say is sincere.
I want to thank you. This may seem strange and maybe even unwarranted, to you and many others. In an odd twist of fate, your decision not to be my parent was, in a way, parenting. You taught me many things by leaving, and I am sure you learned a lot too.
Growing up, I was anxious and paranoid. Always thinking I was not good enough for anyone, that all my friends and family secretly hated me and wanted me gone. Part of that is because of you weaving in and out of my life. Your “see you next week” always turned into months, then years and eventually, you stopped showing up all together.
Every time I was left with a babysitter, I was convinced my mom was never coming back because after a while, you never came back. I spent the first 15 years of my life wondering why I was not good enough for you. Was I really such a terrible person that the man responsible for half my DNA could not stand to spend time with me? I strove to prove you wrong. I earned straight A’s, joined honor societies and completed a vocational certification. All to show that I was worthy of love.
It took me a long time to realize that your decision to walk away had more to do with your own faults. You recognized that you were not ready to take on the responsibilities of a child. You had to mature and find yourself before you could even begin to be responsible in the ways that I needed you to be. This is why I am thanking you.
I realized long ago that had you not come to that conclusion, I would not have the awesome relationship with the wonderful man I call "Dad." He was ready, sure that he could handle the responsibility of calling another man’s child his own, and raising her as such. Not many men are capable of this; some men are not even capable of parenting their own children. Had you not walked away, he may have never known how special he truly is and he would not have been able to show me how strong I am.
Had you not made the choices you did, I would not have this incredible family, all nine siblings included. I watched my mom complete high school, earn her cosmetology license and fall in love: all while providing for and raising me. She busted her butt to make sure I had everything I needed. I learned perseverance, patience and faith through her actions.
The man she fell in love with, and is still in love with, taught me to love unconditionally. When he assumed the role of dad, everything fell into place like perfectly aligned dominoes. Never once has he set me apart from his own flesh and blood. From the day each of my siblings were born, he has always asserted that I am their big sister and blood does not determine love. Everything you missed, he was here for.
The way my life has panned out thus far is perfectly okay with me. I still have anxiety, but I have the love and encouragement of my family and am getting better. I have learned to love myself. Others do not determine my worth. I have wonderful relationships with my brothers and sisters, my parents and friends. I trust that God has an incredible plan for my future and I have let go of the past.
As terrible as this may sound, I am eternally grateful that you chose to pursue your passions instead of trying to do something you knew you could not. I sincerely hope that you are happy, enjoying life.
Best wishes,
The “Daughter” that has forgiven you completely and hopes you have forgiven yourself.
