Dear Dad,
Fortunately, I was young when you left me. I had no hard feelings in the beginning, I actually thought it was pretty cool. I had two houses, two rooms, and double the presents on my birthday. Visiting you was adventure and I also got to see my half siblings. The best thing about having half siblings through divorce is that I didn't have to see them all the time and since I didn't have to interact with them everyday, I never developed any hatred for them. (If you have a sibling, you know that about two percent of you hates them sometimes). They were like my cousins I saw every once in a while, and it was a fun time.
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Most children of divorce, if they're old enough to comprehend what's going on, often blame themselves with the typical it was my fault, I ruined their relationship, I wasn't good enough thoughts. I didn't have those thoughts until I was in middle school. It was a rough time, I didn't understand why you weren't in my life. You leaving me shaped me into who I was and how I saw the world. That ultimately hindered me, giving me trust issues and keeping me from opening up to people. Not being able to talk to people about how I felt, kept everything bottle up inside me ready to burst. It wasn't healthy, but I'm working on it and becoming a better me because of it. If I wasn't busy giving myself pity, I was angry at people who were just trying to love me. Then you went along and had other kids after me, so of course, I began to think I wasn't good enough. That sparked a lot of hatred towards myself and the world. From that point forward, nothing I did was good enough. Seventh through ninth grade was a surprisingly rough time for my 12-14 year old self. I started to dislike you a lot from then on (I didn't want to, you just gave me no choice).
Suddenly, we stopped seeing each other, then stop talking to each other. At one point I went two years without hearing from you. It hurt a lot, made me feel like I wasn't as important to you as your other kids. But as much as I claimed that I felt no type of way about the situation or that you meant nothing to me anymore, I cared more than words could explain. It might only happen once every two years, but hearing your voice makes it worth it. It spread the biggest smile across my face. It's comforting.
With time, I got over the hatred and self-blame stage once I realized what a wonderful mother I have. Thank you for leaving me to such an amazing, hardworking mom who literally always ends up letting me have my way. Even though I didn't physically have a mom and a dad, mom was more than enough. Even better, I had uncles, second mothers and other father figures showing me all the attention I deserved.
Everything aside, I want you to know that I forgive you and that there is no hard feelings there. No matter what, you'll always be my father and I'll always love you to pieces. I hope you're good out there. And when I make something out of myself and become famous one day, just know it was all mom and my sister.
