Dear Endometriosis,

I remember the first time I heard about you. I googled you and became kind of interested for a couple of hours, but got distracted by something else and forgot about it.

I never thought my periods were worse than everybody else's. It isn't really something that gets talked about a lot. I would have to miss classes and work for a couple days a month because of it, but doesn't everybody? Isn't it normal to vomit from pain and not be able to get out of bed? I had no idea what you were doing to me.

"Just take some tylenol."

"Have you tried using a heating pad or essential oils?"

"Everybody has pain with their periods, it is normal."

Why didn't the medicines work on me? Do I just have a lower pain tolerance than all other women? Why didn't I know about you sooner?

I figured everything was fine and got an IUD. A couple of hours after it was placed I remember thinking, "If labor is worse than this, I don't think I can do it."

A couple months later I was having weird pains. I figured I would just be having another period, but no blood came. I looked online to see if I could figure out if it was serious. Things about my Appendix and other organs that I knew were not the cause kept coming up. Then finally I read about ovarian cysts. I don't remember reading much about you.

I thought that I was fine and it would go away in a couple of days. A week passed and the pain just kept getting worse. I read up on the symptoms again, but I didn't seem to be having symptoms that needed medical attention according to the websites.

After intercourse with my husband one morning, I felt like my uterus was trying to kill me. I couldn't walk. I just curled up on the couch and tried to distract myself with the TV. I don't remember the pain getting better, all I remember is I woke up and it was still there.

I had some small pains with intercourse before, but nothing serious. The next day I went to an Instacare to see if I was okay. They forwarded me onto the ER and I spent 6 hours there. They said a lot of words and tested me and I just sat there feeling gross and bleeding all over everything I sat on. I remember them coming in after they got the results from my ultrasound and just hoping they would tell me everything is okay.

"We found a cyst on your left ovary and endometriosis."

I remembered all the research I did on you earlier. You are often associated with infertility. You grow in places that you aren't supposed to and cause pain. I just stopped thinking for a couple hours and pretended everything was fine. I had pain meds and they had to work because they were from an ER doctor, right?

The first pill I took made me sick. The next one didn't help. I tried the first one again and it didn't make me sick, but it didn't take the pain away either.

I just sat on the couch for days, reading about you and what you do to me. I found all the support groups and blogs and diets and people's experiences and I was just sad.

Are you going to let me have kids? Do I need to start earlier? How much damage have you already done? Will I need surgery? Is there anything that will take the pain away? How do I explain you when everybody has kids and I am still trying?

Pregnancy might be able to get rid of you, but will you let it?