I’m not really sure if there’s a worse feeling in the world than being genuinely hated by your own parent, your own flesh and blood. The person who helped bring you into this world and who is supposed to raise you to be a success, happy and healthy.

The person who is supposed to love you unconditionally suddenly doesn’t care for you at all. When your own parent tells you that you’re not wanted, or that you should kill yourself, or calls you absolutely nasty and hurtful names, there’s no way around it affecting you.

I am your child. That was a decision you made, whether it was voluntary or not, in the beginning, to have me and raise me.

Telling me that I am unwanted is incredibly painful, no matter whether or not you meant it at the time. Instead of having an abortion before I became too developed, or choosing to give me up for adoption to a family who would have loved me like you couldn’t, you chose to keep me and to raise me. But you shouldn’t have. That decision you made all of those years ago – it was so wrong though you’ll never admit it.

I look around me and see my friends with their parents, a family filled to the brim to the point of overflowing, with love, support, care – all of the qualities that are generally associated with parents.

All of the qualities that you lacked while raising me. Most people my age have lovely memories from their childhood, full of family togetherness and fun, but when I think back on my childhood all I can remember anymore is the abuse I received on a regular basis.

But in a strange way, I’d like to thank you. Even though I’ve become psychologically messed up from your emotional abuse, your abuse strangely made me stronger.

I would never wish the abuse I received from you even on my worst enemy, but the fact is that now I push myself harder and harder every day to feel accepted, loved, and cared about by the people I surround myself with. It’s both a blessing and a curse, but thanks for that, for whatever it’s worth to you, which is probably not much.

It will be hard for me for the rest of my life, to look you in the eye, and know that you’re my parent while simultaneously knowing how many horrible things you have said to me throughout my childhood and even my adulthood. Unfortunately, I don’t have the strength needed in order to cut you out of my life, as you’re still the person who gave me life, and I owe you that much. It’s so bittersweet, and no matter how many times I’ve just wanted to walk away and never speak with you again, I physically can’t. The parental bond is too strong to break, no matter how much I might want to. But no matter how old I am, no matter how many years go by, and even when you’re long gone and I’m living on this earth without you, I don’t believe that I will ever be able to forgive you for the things you’ve said and done.