Dear Confused One,

If you are in a relationship, it is for a reason. Whatever it was, something made you fall for this person, and you fell deeply enough to define the relationship, go steady and commit to this person. When you did this, I’m sure you never thought you would be sitting here right now feeling the way you do about your significant other and your relationship--uneasy, unsure, and confused. There is something you need to know; this is completely normal.

When you decide to date someone, you feel like you are on a high that you cannot come down from. You feel so happy that you are untouchable; nothing can possibly bring you down. This is why the beginning of the relationship is called the “honeymoon” stage – it is new, fresh, fun, and exciting. In this moment, you don’t ever feel like you could possibly not want to be with this person.

As time goes on, the two of you become very comfortable with each other. You meet each other’s families, friends, and become a part of each other’s daily lives. (This could still be true for long distance couples, because even if you don’t see each other everyday, you still talk everyday.) Becoming comfortable with one another is a great thing. In fact, it is a major step in your relationship to be able to say, do, act, and feel any way you want to around your partner. The trouble does not come until you get too comfortable with each other, where there is a lack of effort and romance.

I’ve recently read an article about a teacher asking her students if love is an emotion or a choice. Most people immediately think it is an emotion, but in fact, love would not exist if people did not choose it. If you want your relationship to work, you have to choose to make it work, to be happy, and to be in love.

In today’s society, it also seems like most people are constantly looking for happiness, but instead of being happy what they already have, they are constantly looking for more. Of course, it is good to search for happiness and never settle, but sometimes what you have always wanted has always been right in front of you. If you spend most of your life searching for more, you will never be happy.

My advice to you, confused one, is to not make a rash decision and run with it. In fact, the worst thing you can do in a relationship is run when things get hard. It is normal to not always be one hundred percent confident in your life choices, but don’t ever jump to conclusions or decisions without a lot of thinking and allow yourself time. The most important, yet difficult life lesson is “you don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone.”