For those who have not yet heard the story of Brock Turner, here is a quick synopsis. A 20-year-old Stanford student sexually assaulted an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. He was discovered assaulting her by two bikers, and was only charged with six months of prison followed by three years of probation.

His father, Dan, wrote an inflammatory letter, pictured below.

This is my response.

Dear Mr. Turner,

I realize that by writing this, I am in no way impacting the sentence your son received for his horrid actions. However, if you read this I hope you gain at least one ounce of something you clearly need: perspective.

You argue that your son’s life is being forever altered because of “20 minutes of action.” So let me make some things clear to you.

In 20 minutes, you can get in a quick jog to maintain your health.

In 20 minutes, you can take a shower and get dressed for the day.

In 20 minutes, you can make a baby.

In 20 minutes, you can make a memory with your child that will never fade.

In 20 minutes, you can also rob a store.

In 20 minutes, you can also hit someone while drinking and driving.

In 20 minutes, you can also kill someone.

And in 20 minutes, your son forever altered someone else’s life negatively. So why doesn’t he deserve to have his life forever altered as well?

Obviously any parent wants the best possible outcomes for their children despite their mistakes, but to argue that your child’s life is being ruined because of “20 minutes of action” is heinous. You’re right, though. Your child’s life is ruined because of those 20 minutes. In those 20 minutes, he committed an act that ruined someone else’s ability to look at life the same way. Instead of trying to prevent his punishment, you should be ensuring that he learns something. Instead of trying to prevent his just punishment, you should be doing everything you possibly can to make sure he never hurts someone else. You should be putting all of your effort into apologizing for your son’s behavior, not rationalizing it.

You want the best outcome for your child? Well, what if instead of being Brock’s father, you were the victim’s father? What if your daughter’s life was upheaved by 20 minutes of someone else “getting action”? Would you want your daughter to live in a world where she could be sexually violated in the most humiliating and invasive ways, and instead of knowing she would get justice, she would be told that she isn’t as important as some jerk’s swimming career?

Would you tell your daughter that she shouldn’t have gone to the party? Would you tell your daughter that she asked for it by drinking too much? Would you tell your daughter that it’s her fault for being “sexually promiscuous”?

You’re so concerned with the baggage your son will have to deal with for the rest of his life. You’re upset that he will have to register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life. You seem to forget that he created that baggage for himself.

Meanwhile, he forced an unimaginable amount of emotional baggage upon this young woman and she will carry it with her for the rest of her life.

She will always be wary of men and their intentions from henceforth. She will have issues trusting people and trusting herself to go places. She will have to carry what happened to her into every relationship she has from this point forward. Her children will find out about it, because the media so heavily covered it and she will be more guarded as a parent. If she has a son, she will always strive to make sure he doesn’t grow into the type of man who sexually assaults women. If she has a daughter, she will worry every time her daughter goes outside.

And no, I’m not just making guesses about that—she isn’t the only person who has ever been hurt by someone like your son.

So Mr. Turner, understand that by your letter, you are condoning what your son did and that makes you worse than him. Look in the mirror when you’re getting ready for work and know that whatever pain you may be feeling because your son is in jail is nothing compared to the pain felt by the young woman he has hurt.

Get some perspective.

Respectfully,

Someone Who Hopes You Change