I know that you think it isn't easy to love you—that you have become too damaged or too broken to be loved. But with all of my heart I can say that loving you has been the easiest thing I have ever done. If you believe you are broken, then I will spend every waking moment of my life gluing your pieces back together.
You are not unworthy of love.
I know you don't understand how I could love someone like you. I know that there are times where all you can think is that you're a burden that has ruined my life by stepping into it. But I have never felt as grateful as I do waking up in the morning knowing that I have you. It is a beautiful thing to have met someone that fits so perfectly.
You feel as if you don't have a home. And I hate every situation in your past that has led you to this conclusion. It is so hard to convince you otherwise. It's why I push so hard to disagree when you bring it up. You never see it the same way as I do. You feel like all you do is push people away. But I will always be here. You have people that care about you. They might not always be easy to see, but they are always there.
We both always feel the need to apologize. However, we always have different reasons. You apologize because you always feel responsible for every little thing that goes wrong. But this isn't true and I hate that even saying this now you won't believe me. You are not a terrible person. You are not always at fault. I apologize because I wish you could see things from my eyes. I wish you could see yourself in the light that I do. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I wish I could get rid of depression's voice telling you this isn't true. I only want to help you.
I know I don't handle the sadness correctly. When you are overcome with thoughts saying you aren't good enough, that you ruin everything, that you can't possibly deserve what you have, I don't handle it right. I get upset because it feels like every good part of our relationship becomes meaningless. But that's not what it is.
I understand that you have depression. understand that work is hard and that you're tired. I understand the way that you feel sometimes is not caused by me and that our relationship is not falling apart because of it. I understand that sometimes you have to ask whether I really love you. Not because you think I don't, but because you don't see how someone can. I love the boy who goes to pet fairs and falls in love with kittens and puppies. I love the boy who is waiting for me after practice with flowers and a card. I love the boy who watches Christmas Hallmark movies while cuddling for hours. I love the boy who might not like the vine references I make, but will watch Vine compilations knowing that they make me happy. I love the boy who wrote me get-well messages on the mirror in my bathroom and was the first to get to the hospital after my car accident.
I love the boy who has taught me how to love.
So please, understand this. I have made the conscious choice to be with you, to love you, to take care of you. There is nothing I have ever wanted as much as this. I will be with you during every low and every high and every point in between. If it takes me a lifetime to convince you of your worth, then it will be a life well spent.
I love you forever and always.
Sarah
