To my best friends’ new friends at college,

I know you do not know me very well, and I do not know you any better. However, we do share something in common: we both get to call an amazing person our friend.

I will always be a little jealous of you… you get to spend so much time with my best friend. While I am over a hundred miles away, missing them, you are within a few minutes of them. You are just a text away from my favorite person. Meanwhile, I have to plan in advance to take a trip to see them, or impatiently wait until break. I have always been there to share big life moments with them and I am longer there to do so, and I am jealous that you are.

Even if you are one of their new best friends, just remember that I have been in our best friend's life much longer than you have. I bring this up not because it is a contest, but because this means that I have some knowledge of them that you might not have… Therefore, I have a few pointers, and I ask of you a few things.

Have jam sessions with them. It doesn’t matter if you two are tone deaf and that it doesn’t even sound like you are singing the right song, it makes them happy. Let them show you their new favorite album or artist. Even if you are not the biggest fan, please show that you care about it and give it a good listen because music means so much to them.

Take them to brunch at least once a month. You may not understand the hype of brunch but they believe its greatness is equivalent to Pam and Jim finally dating in “The Office”. It is a critical part of your relationship with them that you take the time to go to brunch. Share in the joy it brings them. Notice the elated expression that is on their face the entire time. I hope you always want to see them that way.

You can’t have the good parts of them without seeing the not so good parts. Sometimes they might get cranky. Please be patient with them, they do not mean it. And most of the time when they get oddly quiet or cranky it is because they are hangry. So please, do yourself a favor, and get food with them. Or even surprise them with food! Their stomach is the gateway to their heart. And if eating food doesn’t fix it, don’t just get annoyed with their mood and leave, get to the bottom of it because I am sure there is something that they need to get off of their chest.

There are times when they are completely overwhelmed and they think their life is in shambles. They are overwhelmed and cannot think clearly. That’s why you’re there. Please listen to them, validate their feelings, and then try to help them put things in perspective. They are not asking you to solve their problems or to drop everything to be with them. Sometimes they just need a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold the tissue box. They just need some words of encouragement and to be reassured that there is someone there to hear them out, someone to tell them everything will be ok. Please do that for them when I cannot pick up the phone when they need me.

Make memories with them, that way they do not just dwell on the memories from before college that make them feel homesick and sometimes sad. Go on ridiculous adventures with them. Get lost with them. Embarrass them in public, they will laugh about it later. It makes me somber that I am not there to do silly, crazy, memorable things with them, but I would rather you be there to do it than them being bored and sad.

Laugh with them. It doesn’t matter why you’re laughing, but laugh until your stomachs hurt. Laugh until you are actually crying. Laugh until they snort, and then don’t make them feel weird about it.

Love their quirks because they are what make our best friend so very, very special.

Appreciate their interests and likes, and never make fun of them for it. Show them that you care about them. Let our friend tell you about the things they love, the things that make their eyes light up and a smile form on their face from ear to ear. They wouldn't be them without the things that bring them joy. Try to do the things they enjoy so much with them, they will be grateful for it and it will make them feel more connected to you.

Most importantly, hug them. Hug them when they’re upset, even that small action can make them feel so much better. Hug them when they’re excited and jubilant, hugging will make them feel like they have someone to share that happiness with. Hug them because it makes them feel connected to you and it makes them feel like they aren’t alone. At times I want to wrap my arms around them and feel the familiarity and safety that their hugs bring, and it makes my heart heavy to know that I am not just a few minutes away to do so. I am envious that you get to do that because there is no substitution for hugs from my favorite people. So please take advantage of every time you get the chance to hug them.

Please, oh please, do not try to replace me. I will be transparent and tell you that there are times when it upsets me that you have gotten so close to my best friend. That feeling comes from my fear that you will take my place and I will not be needed, or wanted, anymore. I know that feeling is unrealistic because my relationship with them is deeply rooted and special. However, the fear sneaks up on me every once in awhile when I see how happy you make them in ways that I cannot from miles and miles away. Please be respectful of my relationship with them and do not try to take them away from me. I would never disrupt your relationship with them, so please do not do the same to me. In fact, try to get to know me, and the other special people in their lives. That way you can get to understand an important part of who they are because I am a part of them just as much as they are a part of me.

Over everything, I am grateful for you. Without you, my best friend would be lonely. They need someone at college to call their best friend. They need someone there to help them with any issues while I am unable to. They need someone there to physically laugh with in person, and not just over the phone. They need someone there to share their wonderful college experience with, particularly someone who understands their new home more than I can. All I can ask for is that they are happy, and if you make them happy then I am forever grateful.

I will end with this: Treasure how lucky you are to call someone who is so humorous, quirky, caring, talented, loveable, and so much more, your friend. Please realize how special they are. I can only hope that you love and cherish them even half as much as I do.

Sincerely,

A person who loves your new friend more than words can say