Dear ADHD,

I have some words to exchange with you. First off, I don’t like when you appear out of nowhere. Those days where I’ve taken my meds and I’m focusing on my work and then BAM. All of a sudden you pop right back up, screaming and dancing around, looking for attention. You know you’ll get it. You always do. You know I can’t resist the urge to go on Facebook or Tumblr. You know I’ll try to fight it, just like always, but I’ll lose my train of thought so many times that you know I’ll just give in and deviate from my work.

I hate the way you pop up when I need you to stay away the most. Whether it’s a test, a paper, math class or whatever. When I need to focus the most, you’re always there. Why? Do you like torturing me? Is it fun for you? Why can’t I remember dates, names, and places as well as I should be able to? I know that’s at least partially your fault. Maybe I’d do better in math without you. Scratch the maybe, I definitely would do better in math without you. Why must I always feel the need to be doing something; anything with my hand? Ripping paper, doodling, cracking my knuckles, why? It gets annoying. Why must you make me different? Why can’t I stay focused for as long as I need to, or spend one day without medication, and still be a functional human being? Instead, if I don’t take my medicine I get really tired now. Either that, or I get really hyper, or a mix of both.

Why must you always insist on leading everything in my brain? You know you always get distracted by anything and everything.

Despite all this dislike and the hate, I also want to thank you. The gratitude and thanks and love that I have for you, my ADHD, overshadows all of the hate and dislike that I have. You’ve been such a big part of me since second grade, and I can’t imagine my life without you. You’ve helped distract me when I want to be distracted and you’ve helped me appreciate my differences. You’ve helped me be a better person, a more appreciative person. You’ve taught me so much about life and myself over the past twelve/thirteen-ish years. You’ve taught me that it’s okay to act a little different or to think outside the box. You’ve contributed to my getting into Project Extra and into Pace. You’re the reason I have a go-to topic in any psychology class I take, because you make me want to learn more about you and why I am the way that I am with you. You’ve helped me relate to some people better and have helped me overcome so many obstacles throughout the years, especially the ones you’ve created for me.

So, thank you. I may get frustrated with you sometimes, but I know you’re only looking out for me and you only want the best. I know you’re only trying to help improve me and you’re doing all that you can. Thank you for recently making me learn, and realize, that you do not define me. You are simply a large part of me and just another thing that makes me, me. Thank you for making me realize what I’m meant to be and helping me learn in my own way. Finally, thank you for being there for me, every step of the way.

Love, the girl you’ve helped break down and build back up ten times stronger.