DEFINING "HOME"
The word "home" can have a plethora of meanings, perhaps having a different meaning for each individual on this Earth. In my opinion, home is a place where you feel accepted, loved and safe. I am fortunate enough to have two homes. Firstly, the one I take a nine hour Amtrak train to at the beginning and end of school breaks. The one where my parents welcome me with open arms and my dog greets me with those "I missed you" puppy eyes. But I have a second home, as well. The one where my friends reside in the city that never ceases to disappoint me, the one where I am a walk away from Market Square, practice rooms, dance studios and endless nights with stories to tell afterward. Home. It's not just a place, it's a feeling.
THE PERKS
Of course coming home has its perks. The first I would say is sleep (since it sometimes only seemed like a concept at school). Also, I tend to enjoy being able to open my bathroom door without my ID, not having to get dressed to get food from the fridge and of course the other luxuries of, well, not living in a dorm. How funny it is that these simple little things become categorized as luxuries, whereas preceding college, I just lived here and never thought twice about showering without shoes.
THE THOUGHT-PROVOKING ROAD TRIP
Something I did not realize I missed so much was driving. I went for a long drive the other day because I missed the open road. I took the car onto the parkway and just opened the windows and enjoyed the music playing on the radio that was playing on the stereo system of my 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe. I drove and drove until I suddenly started crying. At first, I questioned why there were tears streaming down my face, but then it suddenly hit me. All of that liberating time in the car allowed for my mind to look back upon all of the memories made this past year of my freshman year at college, and how much I missed the people who made those memories with me. I thought, "How am I supposed to be separated from these people who I now consider family for a whole time span of 4 months?" But then I remembered a quote. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." (Yes, now that I am actually formulating the words and writing them in this article, that car ride was pretty emotional and deep, maybe unnecessarily deep but hey, I was feeling it in the moment. *cringes at self*) But honestly, I cannot believe how fast that went. I heard it from all of the seniors that time flies by and enjoy every moment, and that every year just passes by in the blink of an eye, although it didn't really register until the school year was over. Wow. I am 1/4 done with my college career. How is that even possible? Just yesterday I remember the euphoric feeling of getting accepted to my school and the anticipation to meet everyone, to begin. And I have begun and will continue in just a few months.
STILL PONDERING...
As I continued to drive without a destination, I began to ponder. How have I changed? Have I changed at all? Well to answer the second question, yes. I feel more mature, experienced and independent. I know how to live on my own, something I never was required to do, and man, it can be tough sometimes. But I did it. There were times where I felt lost in my art and in my soul but surrounding myself with people who only lifted my spirits higher was my remedy. They were the light at the end of the tunnel.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I can only thank the people who have made my freshman year one I will never forget. No need to name names because you know who you are, and all I can say is that I feel truly blessed. Thanks for the laughs, the shoulder cries, the late nights, and for simply existing. I am looking forward to more laughs, shoulder cries and late nights when we return in August.
"LET GO TO LET COME"
The most important thing I learned my freshman year (with training in my field of study aside) is the notion of "Letting go to let come." I remember hearing this from my inspiring Voice and Speech professor, and I had an epiphany. This expression really resonates with the origin of my struggles of my first year at school - in my art and in daily life. Take risks. You can make mistakes. You can fail. (Okay now I feel like this article is going down the inspirational speaker route, sorry!) Same some of that love that you have for others for yourself, too. Breathe (Something I sometimes forgot to do). But really, you must "Let go to let come," because once you do, you are finally living instead of surviving in the world.
