My Dearest Roommate,
I want to start off by informing you that I am fully aware of my shortcomings. I must, however, follow that statement by saying I truly cannot do anything about it. I respect you, and I am so appreciative of everything you do. But due to my slim grasp of responsibility and general lack of self-control, the only thing I can offer you is a fun time.
I am sorry that our floor is hardly recognizable at times. Clothes that I’ve worn for a short period of time do not belong in the hamper, nor do they belong in the drawer with clean clothes. They belong on the Purgatory of Fashion: the floor… and sometimes a chair. Nevertheless, I do promise that one day, I will pick everything up and throw it in the hamper anyway. You have my word.
I also feel inclined to mention that “sharing a pet” with me was probably not the best idea. It basically means, “You take care of it, I’ll play with it sometimes.” I’m like a fun uncle that comes around on Thanksgiving, gives you candy before dinner, then leaves with no further obligation. I’m sorry that I didn’t warn you about that sooner. Our cat loves you, though! And our fish truly would not have made it a week without you. So, for that, I applaud you.
I am very sorry that occasionally I come home at 3am on a Wednesday, and expect that you are not only awake, but are also willing to listen to my outlandish tales of a weekday night. I am fully aware of your class schedule, sleep schedule, and how little you care. I will try to enter quietly and hold off on the stories until the morning.
Although I am very clearly incapable of accomplishing such rudimentary tasks, I can promise you spontaneous dance parties and a sure-fire backup singer for when you’re singing JBiebs. Hopefully that makes up for the fact that the odds of me feeding the fish are dangerously low.
Lastly, I want to say thank you. Thank you for putting up with me, I know it’s a difficult task. Thank you for driving me places when I’m late, as I so frequently am. Thank you for eating with me because you know I won’t do so reasonably if I am alone. Thank you for taking out the trash and purchasing Febreze. Thanks for vacuuming the floor. Thanks for hiding my keys by the door because I forgot to take them out. Thank you for everything. Without you, the chances of me out-living the fish would be very, very slim.
Sincerely,
Roomz
