“I only mean well,” is a phrase in which I believe is always a blatant lie. In my experience it’s always used as overcompensation and just a way to make what you are saying seem okay to say when it's not. When I was little and my brother threw my Barbie out the window with an army man parachute duct taped to her back that is what my mother said to me. “He only meant well,” she said matter-of-factly to my tear streamed face. Did he? I know my brother, he is kind, generous, compassionate, and extremely intelligent – but I know with full confidence that he was aware that it would make me upset and that knowledge influenced his action that day.
If you have to justify what you are doing or saying with an “I only mean well,” tacked on the end of it – maybe you shouldn’t have done or said it in the first place. If you truly mean well it should be evident, and if it could be interpreted as not meaning well, maybe you should work on your word choice and delivery.
When people say something or send something and end it with a half hearted "I only mean well," who do they mean well for? The person saying it? Are they relieving some sort of guilt or tying up loose ends? If the recipient of these words is going to greatly benefit from what you are saying it should not be necessary to point out. Maybe if this statement was kind and well-wishing they wouldn’t have had to state their intentions along with it.
What if when we said rude or passive aggressive things we ended them with “I don’t mean well.” Words have the capability of conveying meaning and emotion on their own. They have the power to mean well or to not mean well, you don't have to add in more words to let people know what they meant. If your words don’t speak for themselves maybe you should choose different ones. You should never have to tell the recipient how they should receive your message. Not only is that ridiculous in the context of the English language, but it’s also condescending and insulting to the person you are communicating with. You can’t tell people how something should make them feel – that is completely up to them.
I’m sorry for ranting, but I only mean well.
(Case and point, because I don't think I really mean well.)
