Writing my first article feels like the huge release of air you exhale after holding your breath for a little bit too long. I guess it makes sense. There is only so much air your lungs can hold until you are forced to expel it back into the world. Likewise, there are only so many things you can experience in life until you are bursting with a desire to share it with others. God has a funny way of opening doors I didn’t even know existed. I hope to use this opportunity to share with you the pieces of my life I’ve been sorting through so you can get a fuller picture of the puzzle we call life.

One of the first things people usually ask me is where I am from. This question is probably easy for most to answer, but this simple conversation starter stirs up the deepest areas of my heart. You see, where I am from isn’t something I have always been proud of. To be quite honest, I kind of hated the beginning of my story—until this past summer. At the beginning of the summer, I was pushed to root out my true identity. I sat down and wrote out my story for the first time. It seemed nearly impossible to organize the racing thoughts in my mind, but I continued with tears forming in my eyes. I cannot express how impactful that day was for me— I had finally come to terms with the cards God had dealt me. I saw the entire hand I’d been dealt, not just the bad ones. I saw how each card had a specific role in my life.

My intent with writing for the Odyssey is to relate to someone, anyone, and remind them that their hand of cards is one-of-a-kind. That it is a good hand of cards that should never be thrown away. That even when a bad card is dealt, it doesn’t mean the game is over. So here is an excerpt from what I wrote last summer. I hope it inspires you to look for the significance of each card you have been given and share your story with someone. I hope it moves you to finally exhale after holding your breath for a little bit too long.

“My name is Katie Nicole Mei Xiu Cosper. Katie is the name I was given by my adoptive parents. And when I asked them what led them to name me that, they were unsure. My father said he was the one who chose my name when I joined His family. He said that when he met me, it just fit. I spent some time today looking into the meaning of Katie, and what I found still kind of freaks me out. The meaning of Katie is pure. Pure is the name God calls each one of us after we receive Him as our Heavenly Father and are adopted into His family. Mei Xiu, the name I was given in the orphanage, was added to my legal name when I was 9. I never wrote out my whole name in school or told my friends about it because I even struggled to accept my story and thought I would surely be made fun of by others for it.

The shame and guilt began a snowball effect of lies I told myself during my teenage years. The beginning of the story starts with me being born in a small, poor town called Wuchan, China. I was left on the side of the street with only a note of when I was born. I had no name and was left without an explanation of why I had been left. In the past, I had always tried to cover up my ethnicity and adoption story, but I failed time and time again. They were foolish attempts at best. The truth always came out. And diving into the meaning of Mei Xiu was the last thing I wanted to do. I viewed that part of me as defective and undesirable, but God desired to use me for building His Kingdom and for me to be a part of His family. He opened my eyes. I learned that Mei Xiu means beautiful grace. Just like in the meaning of my name, I failed to see the beauty and grace in my adoption story for years.

I used to believe that God had forgotten about me, but now I believe God is so unrestrained and intentional that He was working over 20 years ago in piecing together my life. He has allowed me to see the reason why things happened the way they did. I now relate to others who were abandoned and forgotten about. I can remember what its like to look in the mirror and hate my ethnicity. There are still many things I wrestle with understanding, but I have assurance that I was created in the image of God, which means I was created with infinite value. But I am a broken image-bearer, and my brokenness is seen in the way I overly seek control.

I renounce my core lie and the condemning words Satan whispers saying I am unworthy of love, attention, pursuit, or respect. John 8:32 reminds us that, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Now I know the truth of my identity. I am made pure because of the blood of Jesus. Jesus Christ, the One who took on the cup that no one else could drink and rose up from the grave in all of His glory. His resurrection is why we should have joy. There is nothing in this world we should fear because we can securely place our hope in the hands Jesus Christ— the One who conquered death.”