Dear Mom,

Why’d you leave?

Did it hurt?

Are you happy up there?

Do you think of me often?

Living without you is harder than I thought. I’m okay though; I’m managing, I’m coasting. It hurts, looking at the mirror hurts. I look like you so much that sometimes I think you're me. I got lost this year. A lot of thing you’ve missed this year. I graduated high school, I moved out of the house, I grew my hair out. It's been a year, and I can still feel you in the walls of the house. You left us, Mom. I know you didn't want to. I wrote this hoping you know that I forgive you. I forgive you for dying. I forgive you for being an alcoholic. I forgive you for grounding me cause I didn't do the dishes.

I've forgot your voice, but I know it was my favorite voice to hear. I've forgotten what you smell like, even though I wear your perfume. I forgot how you always wore fuzzy sucks when it got cold. I'm forgetting, and I'm scared one day I'll go a whole day and I won't think of you. I'm afraid I'll be so happy that your memory will be just that: a memory.

One year. One whole year without you. I survived when I was sure I wouldn't. Even though you're gone. The world should know my favorite things about you:

1. I loved the way you could make anything a joke
2. I loved how you sang to Ed Sheeran songs trying to do a British accent.
3. I miss the way you danced making breakfast in the morning.
4. I miss hearing you say 'I love you.'
5. I love that you were my mom.

You inspired me to be my best self. You made me the person I am today. You loved me when I didn't love myself. I knew it was your job to be my mom but you definitely went above and beyond doing the whole mom thing. You made me want to be a mom. You made me want to find someone to love me the way Dad loves you. You made me want to live my life, even though I'll have to go on with my life without being able to call you.

I'll be okay cause you raised me and taught me the ways of life. You even taught me the meaning of it. You always asked if I figured it out yet. I finally figured it out: As long as you have some to love and surround yourself with happiness you live the best life you'll ever get.

I owe you everything. I don't know if I'm making you proud. I hope I am. You were my best friend. I lost you. But I've found who I am inside. Thank you for being my mom, thank you for showing me what love is in a marriage. But thank you mostly for being my biggest fan. Our last words were always. I promise I'll always love you ad do my best to make you happy.

All my love.