Last summer, my beloved grandmother passed away while I was away in Europe finishing up a 3.5 week trip abroad. She was 91 years old, and I didn’t even think she was that sick. Looking back in retrospect, it was rather naive to assume that I had years and years left with her. But while on a somewhat raucous London night out with my sister and my cousin (don’t tell my mom), I got a call from my mom saying that she had passed away. This was an immense shock to me, and I was in a terrible environment to be receiving this news. I knew she wasn’t doing well, but no one told me that she was doing that bad. I wanted to fly home, but everyone said we should stay.
I disagreed until I remembered this: when I was little, she bought this really beautiful globe and all of the countries were made out of different stones. We used to look at that globe everyday when I was little and talk about all the places that we would go. I stayed on that trip because of that. I had to stay through the rest of my trip to honor that memory, and I’m really glad that I did.
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Her funeral was the day after we flew home from London about a week later. Those two days were in the "Top 10 Worse Days of My Life." The day we flew home was terrible for a billion reasons like cancelled flights and annoying people seated next to me, but the actual day of her funeral was so much worse than the burden of traveling. Even on the day traveling home, I knew it would be worse as I sat for six hours in the Chicago airport. When I was sitting there, I noticed that the gate next to me was heading to Edinburgh, Scotland (favorite city of my trip) and all I wanted was to go through that gate and forget what was happening in my real life.
Last week, she would have been 92. I think because I was gone when she took a turn for the worse that I’ve had trouble processing her death. It will be a year in July and I still haven't fully gotten over everything that happened. I think only time will heal this wound.
Being the youngest of the grandchildren by a lot of years, I always felt that we shared a special bond. She was so much more than just a grandmother to me. She knew me as well as my parents and spent probably just as much time with me. Pretty much everyday after school, I would go to her house and do homework even when I was in high school. When I was busy as a junior and senior, I still managed to spend a couple of afternoons a week with her. Then I went to college and I saw less of her, but I thought of her often. I even called her when I knew I wouldn't be home for a while. A weekend home from college always included a visit to Maw Maw’s, and now suddenly, it doesn’t.
Now, I will give any reason to not go into that house. It’s really weird to go into your grandparent’s house and not see them there. It’s somewhat unsettling and it's just really strange. To see dust settled, the fridge empty, and the TV, the air conditioner, and the lights off.
When my grandmother died, I was/am officially grandparent-less. I spent my whole life being grandfather-less, but now, I have no grandparents at all. And it sucks. When you have no more grandparents left, it’s like the childhood chapter of your life officially closes and you’re really becoming an adult now. A year into this journey of try to be an adult, I don’t like it, but that’s another story.
So, I have a proposition for those of you reading this: hold on to your grandparents tight. Love them and visit them and cherish them. There are so many things I wish I could've asked my Maw Maw about and learned from her. I wish she could've taught me about quilting and crocheting and that I could've talked to her more about her time in high school since we went to the all-girls Catholic school and talked to her about all of the amazing historical events that she lived through in her 91 years. I wish we had more time, and I will always wish that. And if you have more time with your grandparents, don’t take that for granted.
And to my Maw Maw, I love you so much and I miss you everyday. Thank you for always being the best babysitter. Thank you for letting me eat M&Ms and Fruit Loops for breakfast as a 5 year old because “that’s what she wanted” as you told my mom. Thank you for keeping that 60-plus page scrapbook of my life. I just wish you were here now to see all the amazing things I’ve done and gotten to put in it since you’ve been gone. Thank you for inspiring me with your love and your faith in God and your devotion to Catholicism. Most of all, thank you for playing such a big role in my life and for being the greatest grandma who has ever lived. I mean, who else can say that their grandma used to wear a shirt that said “Squirrels Gone Wild” featuring squirrels in bikinis?
