One way streets are one of the many core aspects of urban communities across America. In theory, it's understandable as to why they exist, with limited amount of space and an overwhelming population to tend to, one way streets are inevitable. The question isn't, "is it inevitable" but rather "is it tolerable?" As someone who lived in Queens, NY for the first 10 years of his life and constantly drives out there to this day, one way streets are the one of many things that grinds my gears. While physical one way streets may annoy me, when the theoretical idea behind a one way street, crosses into the relationship building aspect of your life, it can do more damage than just simple irritation.
In a previous article that I wrote regarding the toxicity of the over usage of social media, I referenced this idea of a 'one-way street friendship.' What is the meaning behind this term? Simple, much like a one-way street in real life, relationships can mimic its qualities. When you are the only one driving your car down a road to reach a destination that consists of a strong relationship, but the other car refuses to reciprocate because it's an one-way street, this can lead to you continuously driving and never reaching your destination.
Wanting to make a relationship work is what I believe to be a basic human desire. Despite how many times signs of it falling apart may show themselves to be clear, our arrogance tends to motivate us more than the truth. Now, this is not to say that there is no way that a relationship will ever workout even with the warning signs. I've seen many people work hard enough for the success of a relationship, and somehow come out on top. Maybe that's what's given me, such a fairy tale viewpoint on relationships in general.
As someone who constantly tries to make relationships works, I automatically set myself up for disappointment. And what I've come to realize is, maybe that's not so bad for me. I know that sounds crazy but hear me out. It taught me something, and that is even through the constant feeling of emptiness and fear of looking foolish, my threshold of knowing when to stop grew stronger.
So the question now is, why do we continuously set ourselves up for disappointment? The answer can be explained best by a quote from one of my favorite artists, Brendon Urie of the band Panic! At the Disco and that is: "...and if you never know who you can trust then trust me you'll be lonely." One of our biggest fears as humans is being lonely. As much as some would like to think of themselves as independent and can live by themselves, we simply cannot. While this maybe a fact in its own right, it's not an excuse for us to continue to give all of ourselves in relationships, and not get the same amount of effort in return.
When you allow a relationship, to drain you and your resources, you're left with a feeling of hopelessness. So, how do we approach a one-way street friendship? Do we hold out and hope for the best or do we cut it off from the start? Unfortunately the answer isn't black or white. Much like anything in your life, there's a bit of gray in there. Here's my usual approach when I see a friendship, relative relationship or even a romantic relationship heading towards a direction of a one-way street; and that is recognizing the main signs, and being ready to say goodbye.
Sounds straight forward right? Let's explore this concept, shall we:
Sign 1: Recognize when you are the primary person reaching out in the relationship. Let me preface this by acknowledging that yes, I too am very bad at texting. My reasoning behind this is simply because I am incredibly forgetful and always have been. But I still make sure to reach out to those I care about. If you notice that you are not receiving the same bit of thought, then this is an earlier indicator of a one-way street relationship.
Sign 2: Performing favors for a person who you hold dear to you is a no brainier. You pretty much sign a waiver assuming favor responsibilities when you enter any relationship. But take note of when you are constantly inconveniencing yourself and going out your way for someone, and not only is it not reciprocated, but it is taken advantage of. This is something that I learned the hard way multiple times. It especially hurts when you are known to be a nice person, and your niceness is taken advantage of. In fact, it makes you want to develop a rough exterior and get rid of all of the loving qualities that makes you, you. But the fact is, you should never let that unique quality of yourself go.
Sign 3: When you ask those you care deeply for, to support you and it feels forced. I can't begin to explain how important this is. As soon as we hit puberty, all innocence that we carried with us through our childhood, goes out of the window. This world is a scary place filled with scary people. People who will smile in your face and as soon as you turn around, stabs you in the back. But what alleviates our stress, anxiety and fears, are those in your life who support you. They are what makes our journey so much more insightful. But when those who you expect to be in your corner during your darkest hours, are absent, then that's the final indicator that, your relationship is an one-way street, congested with traffic and is held up by a car accident at the head.
When the goodbye stage approaches, this is when I put a person on probation. Essentially I cut communication with said person. No, this is not an excuse for you to be petty and completely ignore the person. What this means is, you will not go out of your way to instigate communication or attempt to fix something that's broken. In essence, you learn to live your life without them in mind. Easier said than done, I know, but nothing in life is in theory as complicated as we may think, nor is it in reality as easy to execute. But after you take the first step which is realization, then the second step of execution will be easier.
After said person is on probation, I start to focus on myself. I begin to think who I allow into my personal life, I try to understand who I am and most importantly, I wake up in the morning and remind myself that a new day is a new chance to be great. Before you know it, the previous person begins to leave my mind. Essentially the ball is in their court. If they finally reach out to you, do not by any means be petty. Respond, communicate with them. I am firm believer that 100% of the world's problem can be solved with effective communication. What does that mean? I'll save that for another article. But with this communication, be sure to make it clear that, your relationship will probably not go back to the way it was, and that is because in the end, you are the only person who's responsible for your happiness and protecting your heart. Make that especially clear to them.
If in an alternate scenario they do not reach out to you, finally let it go. My late grandfather once told my mother, who then told me, my brother and sister; "people come into your life for a reason, and people will leave your life for a reasons." Sometimes that reason isn't clear, but I can guarantee you that you will not be the same person that you were prior to entering the relationship. There's always a silver lining.
One-way streets are irritating. Their narrow and hard to fit your way through. Often times they get backed up. And occasionally you get that one person you tries to squeeze their way down the street in the wrong direction. But eventually, all one-ways leads to a two-way boulevard. Similar to relationships, you may have to go through the narrow, one-way relationships, to get to the fulfilling and spacious two-way boulevard ones.
