Why am I always the one to reach out –

Always the first one to start the conversation?

Throughout my younger days,

I had struggled to make friends.

I was very often alone.

I was taught that this shouldn't be good for me,

That I should have friends my own age –

Ones I can always feel free to talk to,

Ones I can hold onto through the years,

Ones I am sure to count on when the going gets tough…

Such a far cry than I am left with now.

The friends I had tried to make through the years never really stuck,

Or even the ones that did stick never stuck the way I wanted them to,

So I wasn't so much the issue –

At least in the way I used to believe so –

The problem was not just life,

But also the "friends" themselves –

Their willingness to keep close never really amounted to my own willingness to do so.

But still:

Even the ones I felt –

And still feel –

The need to hold onto,

I've always tried to hold onto them –

For my own sake.

So,

All I got going for me is being the first one to reach out –

And not the other way around.

Would the Fates of life cut me a break,

And bring in the true friends I know I'm meant to have?

True friends have loads to talk about –

Anything from the shows on TV to the finest things in this thing called "life" –

Anything and everything.

True friends have each other's back –

Through thick and thin –

From the laughs over the trivial mishaps to the rejections and setbacks that stare us in the face.

True friends always reach out –

By text or even by way of personal letter if that written art still exists –

Or even if I may not prefer to reach out by call,

I will call if it means starting up a long-overdue conversation of days long since passed…

Because true friends aren't a one-way street –

They require communication from both sides of equal measure.

I no longer want to be the one who's always yearning for so much more –

Be it romantic or even strictly platonic.

That's the thing with true friends –

They start out as friends,

And then they leave the door open for that kind of closeness –

Not all, but certainly more cases than none altogether –

And the conversations would never have to end…