Let me tell you a quick snip bit about myself: I love to talk. Anyone who knows me can agree that my worst attribute is listening. My mother use to tease me in elementary school for scoring "above average" on everything except for listening during Standardized Testing Week.
Some people say that I talk too loud. Others may agree that I talk way too fast. Many say I just talk too much, in general. The point is: I spend so much time talking about things going on in my life, or worries that I may have, that I don't take the time to hear to what others have to say. Especially what God has to say.
Listening to God has always been so hard for me to do. You not only have to listen very carefully, but also tune almost most everything else out in order to do so. (Two things that I struggle with VERY MUCH.) I never know whether I am suppose to hear an actual voice or what. If I cannot hear something verbally it's almost impossible for me to comprehend it for all its worth.
"You provide the obedience, and I'll provide the power. You obey, and I'll show the way."
Exodus 3:11
But being the God that My Father is, he laughed and found just the way to do it. Although it wasn't His Voice that I was physically hearing, I knew it was Him.
Class was getting tiring; I was hungry, exhausted, and honestly--just over the week. By the way guys, it was only 9:00 a.m. on a Tuesday. It had been a rough month for me. I could feel myself drifting away from God. Every time I tried to pick up my Bible, something came up. Tired of it all, I went to the bathroom to pull myself together. I needed a break.
The bathroom is a marvelous place for girls by the way. Not sure what draws us to it, but we always seem to get a lot of thinking done in there.
I sat in there for about five minutes just trying to get my thoughts together. My heart was hurting from a break up, my legs were hurting from the gym, and my head was hurting from sinuses. Need I say more?
I was totally in my comfort zone guys. Two Words: Social Media. Checking Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, GroupMe, E-mail, Text Messages--the list goes on. I was very content with killing time before class ended and I could go home.
I heard another girl come in the bathroom. Being the selfish human that I am (P.S. all of us are) the first thing to come to my mind was "great now I can't play videos with noise because someone else is in here." I continued to fiddle around with my phone until I heard a sniffle. Then came the sobbing.
Anxiety immediately came over me. This had been me so many time, the girl who could barely hold in the tears long enough to make it down the hallway. The girl who went to the bathroom once, sometimes even twice, a day just to beg my mom to come pick me up.
I would love to tell you that right then in that moment I locked my phone and left the stall to hug this girl. I would love to tell you that right then and there, I realized God allowed us to cross paths for a reason. I wish that was the case honestly, but it was not.
I sat there, right in my comfort zone. Discontent with how content I was. I tried to convince myself that she wanted to be left alone and that if I prayed for her it would be enough. I thought of a million ways that it could go wrong if I jumped out of the stall to check on her.
My comfort zone screamed "no" while something else within me whispered "yes."
After a moment or two, it hit me. God was blessing me with an opportunity to have actual contact with Him. He was communicating with me through this stranger. He was trusting me enough to take care of another one of His children.
I walked out of the stall to witness what I already was very familiar with: a girl crying in the mirror. Feeling broken, alone, and miserable. Though my problems weren't nearly at the same magnitude of pain as hers were, I strangely felt like we were in the same boat and fighting the same demons.
Little did I know, I needed her as much as she needed me.
I still was uncertain of what to say, but all that could come to mind was- "I felt like God wanted us to talk." I figured after I said this she would give me the cold shoulder and say she was "fine." Yet, God surprised me.
The most unbelievable thing happened to me in bathroom that Tuesday morning. She opened up to me. She told me about her troubles. She told me about what was eating her up inside, and how she felt like she couldn't hold it in any longer.
All I could sit there and think was "Lord, why did you send me? My life's a bigger mess than hers is. How can I help? You picked the wrong girl." After she finished talking, we sat there for a moment in complete silence. My heart hurt for her heart. My body ached like hers did. I knew how exhausted she felt because I was in the same place. I didn't know what to say to all of this, so I did the one thing that never fails: I hugged her and prayed.
I prayed for God to bless her with strength, for her to have the wisdom to understand God has a plan behind this broken mess she and I were both facing. I thanked Him for the strength He already gave her, and for leading us together at the right time in the right place.
When I was finished we both sat there for a moment still hugging, she looked at me and said "I need to let you go so you can get back to class, but I really don't want to." This was the moment that I broke.
The idea of me almost not leaving that stall still scares me to this day. The idea that I almost didn't build up the courage to speak to her. Those five minutes with her were the reason I was able to push through the rest of that week. We exchanged numbers and agreed to get coffee to talk more. We still keep in touch to this day.
"She holds onto Hope, for God is Forever Faithful." - 1 Corinthians 1:9
Annie Downs is one of my favorite Christian authors. It probably has a little to do with the fact that she refers to herself as "flawed, but funny." For some reason that really resinates with me (probably because I'm a clumsy goofball LOL). Annie also refers to a certain time in her life as her "Broken Crazy."
I believe that I was going through my own "Broken Crazy" before I met my friend in the bathroom. I was spinning out of control, and honestly didn't have anything to get excited about. My spark for my faith had dimmed, and it was set back on fire that day.
I've never been one for listening, and listening to God has always been one of my hardest struggles. It's hard to be best friends with someone if you can't hear them, right? Yet, those moments when I heard him speaking to me and leading me have been so worth it.
Most of the time when He is speaking to us, He is either telling us something we do not want to hear or do--which makes it that much harder.
The key is: You HAVE to listen. Quiet your mind and your thoughts; be still. I'm still learning how to do this myself. It's probably going to be a learning experience my entire life, but that's okay. I just hope this gives you all hope that there is a God and He has magical timing, and He DOES Speak in multiple ways. Just be still and listen.