It's been a year. It really has. I actually thought my freshman year was going to be the year where all the lessons would be learned - I really did. Sophomore year seemed irrelevant; the last year to have fun before a harsher reality struck junior and senior year. Also, after living through my second year in high school, and having it be the most boring time of my teen years, I was ready to glide through this semester with no problems.
Boy was I wrong. The first semester of this year changed me more than all of my freshman experiences combined. Whatever I learned in the prior year has hit me with twice as much momentum this semester, along with new experiences teaching me newer, more important lessons.
In 14th grade, there are 14 things I have learned:
1. I need to take responsibility for my actions. I can't hide behind my parents or blame freshman mistakes.
2. Friendships are more important than I thought. This year, I have found my people, and they have gotten me through everything and then some. Yes, I am responsible for myself, but I know that I have someone...or someones, and they have me.
3. School is more important than I thought. Yeah, it isn't all freshmen gen-ed classes. It's my major now. It's my possible future now. I might want to do well in what I am doing for the rest of my life.
4. Family is more important than I thought. I was free last year, not needing my family for anything. Now, I love seeing them and hearing what they are doing. They are talking to me like an adult and there is a mutual respect forming.
5. There are many ways to have fun. I don't need to go out every weekend. Some of the best Saturday nights were partying in my pjs with my roommates, or having a Netflix night to myself.
6. Relationships do not rule my life. Yeah, I am still single. And yes, people have started to settle down this year. However, instead of working my ass off to have a relationship, like I wanted last year, I will let it happen naturally. Hopefully it does happen, but I am willing to be patient now.
7. It's okay to have meltdowns. I just need to plan them. Freaking out was something I was afraid of doing freshman year, but this year, I have realized that bad days do exist, and it is okay to have a mental breakdown. However, compared to previous meltdowns, which I have let overtake me in public, I have found a way to have them on my own terms. I can control myself.
8. Being unsure is okay. Guess what, kids? We don't have the answers, despite us thinking we do. We have no idea what the future holds, and this year, we are starting to think about it, and getting a little scared. We are stressing, but now, we're okay with admitting it. As a freshman, I thought it was me against the world, but I have an army of people preparing me for it instead.
9. I need to start taking myself seriously. I am smart, I am pretty, and I can do anything. Last year, I compared myself to everyone else, but this year, I understand that I have my own category, and it's all mine. Also, everyone is insecure, so instead of not watching our own paths, we should be proud in what we paved.
10. Mental health is extremely important. Meltdowns happen. So does spurts of depression. The sophomore slump is real. I now see my triggers, I see what bothers me, and I look after myself first.
11. I am not independent yet. Hey, we try. We have our moments. However, most sophomores are 19-20. Most of us have tried to debate "real" issues with our parents, and we realized we didn't know anything. We all thought we were invincible, but this year, we still have confidence, but in the end, we're still kids.
12. Loneliness and being lonely are different things. Being lonely is for a second, and loneliness is long. I know the difference now, and I am okay with being alone at times. I actually need it.
13. I need to work for what I want. I may not know my future, but for right now, if I want a good grade or even a good night out, I need to work for it. This isn't easy or a transition. We are in college, and we are starting to make goals that we want to reach.
14. I am ready to be surprised. Hey, there is only more change to come. There are more lessons to be learned. I'm ready to have my s**t rocked, even though it might be painful.
I can only imagine what next semester will do to me...hopefully I will be well rested for it.
