I'm the type of girl who tends to have one-sided crushes. Only a few occasions were the feelings returned; however, none of them worked out too well. But recently, there's been one person who stands out. He's tall, kind and talented. He tends to give give me a sense of relief or calamity whenever I'm stressed or just plain upset. Without even trying, he can make me feel the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Even the slightest movements makes me have butterflies. It's almost like he's my perfect crush: a guy who can melt my heart with just a single glance. Except for one thing: he barely knows I exist.

I'm often the shy girl in class who barely anyone knows. Some may not even have known in the first place that I was in their class from the first day of school. I'm also awkward with people in general. In fact, one of my teachers can truly support this statement 100 percent. I believe I'm also kind, yet too kind to the point that I'm easily being taken advantage of. People always ask me for my homework for example. They ask me to help them with projects even when I'm loaded with schoolwork. Yet I still say "sure." From this, you can easily tell that I'm that type of shy girl. In fact, I'm the type of shy girl who will never ever be able to talk to my own crush. Instead, I stand far away and crush on that one guy who I will never utter a word to. And what is it like, crushing on a guy who has no clue you exist?

For starters, my attention gravitates towards him during school. I look for him during lunch and after my first period class because that's the only time I see him. A quick glance every day is all I ask. And for those days that I don't see him at all, I'm devastated. In fact, when the school year started, I looked for him in the hallways, even during the seven minute passing periods. Why? Because a day without seeing him breaks my heart. This is almost as pitiful as seeing an abandoned puppy in the pouring rain.

And the extent of my fervor doesn't only cover school. I also stalk his social media (a cliche habit, I know). I notice when he changes his profile picture and am aware of every new photo. I've scanned his entire Facebook wall, beginning to end. I look at each picture, read each comment, and stalk the people he tagged or who tagged him, like an FBI agent investigating a case. And in the process, one girl that stood out to me as I spent a casual day looking through his Instagram. I noticed her at school with him all the time. They walked with each other to classes. For a girl insanely crushing on a guy and to see him acting close with another girl is like being stabbed in the heart. Considering the fact that he doesn't even know me,

The worst part is, I always tend to have the slightest hope that he likes me too. For example, at times I imagine that when he looks around, he looks for me or if he may have accidentally shared eye contact with me, I think it's a sign that he likes me. Silly, right? However, this is not a surprise; I always tend to have a silly imagination that makes me believe that my crush likes me back. But it's impossible; he barely knows me. In fact, we haven't talked to each other once. In fact, the only connection he and I have is that we both follow each other on Instagram. Fate right? Nope. Sometimes having these absurd thoughts in my head makes me wonder what I am doing with my life.

Alas, from stalking to acting obsessive to being delusional, I realize that eventually I can't live my life like this. It's not like I can snag a husband using these methods. One day I will have to approach my crush. At least to share a simple conversation with him, you know? So, each day I tell myself that I shouldn't wait for him to come around. I should go to him. Each and every day. I never do it. But what can I do? I'm shy, awkward, insecure, and I definitely struggle talking to guys beyond my league. For now, I think I'll stick with what I got right now. Absolutely nothing.