When you first start college, you hear from everyone about how much you will change and grow in your time there. You never truly believe it until it actually happens to you. In just one semester, I have changed more times than I can count on both hands, and I would like to think that it’s for the better.
When I first got to college I was that girl from Vermont who loved to swim and was eager to join everything. I wasn’t looking for a relationship and I was ready to experience everything college had to offer. Let me tell you, I did experience everything college had to offer during my first semester, the highs and the very lows.
During my first semester of college, I fell in love unexpectedly on the third day, I partied until I couldn’t party anymore, I joined cross country, swimming and the cheer team. I also joined the Odyssey and leadership ambassadors. On the other hand, I went through my first heartbreak, multiple people back in Vermont passed away unexpectedly and I had a very hard time handling it. Like I said, I wanted to experience everything and I definitely did and then some.
Falling in love was not on my list of things to do when I got to college, I wanted to enjoy being on my own and doing my own thing, but this hit me like a ton of bricks. It was so unexpected and it happened too quickly, I couldn’t stop it, even though I should’ve. It was a toxic relationship that never should’ve happened. He made me think I had to change myself to please him, that it was okay for him to change his mind about me whenever he wanted to and that it was okay to cheat on me and lie to me about it. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad. I have never been more in love with someone as I was with him, I just fell in love with the wrong person for me.
This lead to the partying and all the bad decisions made at parties. At first, I was partying because I wanted to meet new people and have some fun. By the time our relationship ended, I was partying four nights out of the week to try and forget the pain he was putting me through. Luckily, I quickly learned that alcohol and sadness were not a good combination. Although, that definitely didn’t change all the horrible decisions I had already made.
All of this had happened just in my first semester of college. It made me realize that I didn’t want to be the person who lost herself at a party anymore, I didn’t want to be the damaged girl who was always hurting anymore and I realized who I wanted to be friends with and who I didn’t. We’re about one month into second semester and I’ve had multiple people say I’ve changed for the better.
On the weekends, instead of partying I would much rather have a movie night in with my girlfriends. I spend a lot more time on homework than I ever did first semester. I cut out all of the people in my life who were bringing me down and I just realized who I wanted to be was not who I was first semester. I came to the realization that even though I will always love him, I could never ever be with him again because I will never be able to trust him. This semester, I have been putting my love and faith into God and trusting that he has a better life for me than the one I was living last semester. I am putting all my energy into my school work, swimming, cheer, leadership ambassadors and of course writing my weekly articles for the odyssey. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with the girl who still likes to go out and have fun on the weekends, I’m just saying that girl brought out the worst in me.
I hope I never want to go back to the girl I was last semester, because I like myself so much better now. One semester of college can change you more than anyone who hasn’t already experienced it can imagine. I can honestly say I am so happy I said goodbye to the girl I was last semester.
