I am now a three quarters of the way through my study abroad experience. I have been here for three months, and I only have one month to go. It’s a weird feeling that I can’t really put into words. But I will try. All I know is that half of me is very sad that I only have a month left in New York, but the other half cannot wait to go home. It is an incredibly conflicting feeling, and overall I just feel very confused.

Part of me doesn’t believe that I only have a month to go. This part wants to make the most of every day, see everything and do everything I can before I have to leave. This part of me is already reminiscing about the amazing things I’ve gotten to do here. This part of me is upset that I only have two weeks left of classes, and this part is already starting to miss Hunter College. This part of me doesn’t want to leave New York, and is already thinking of reasons that will bring me back, even if it’s just for a short while.

But the other half is telling me something else. The other half is counting down the days until I go home. The other half can’t wait to see my family, my friends and my dog. The other half can’t wait to walk around my hometown and sleep in my own bed. The other half is excited to eat my favourite British food, go to my favourite British restaurant and have a cup of proper British tea. The other half is so excited to go back to London and start back at my home university. The other half of me kind of just wants to go home now.

This isn’t to say I’m not still enjoying myself. I’m still having so much fun, and I know I will keep enjoying right until the moment I leave. I know that I’m happy here. It’s just that I know that I’ll be happy at home too. I don’t know if this is just something to do with how we’re always looking forward to something and forget to live in the moment. I spent the first part of this year looking forward to coming to New York, and now that I’m here I feel guilty for looking forward to going home.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had an incredible experience, and I’m so fortunate that I got to study abroad for a semester. I’ve loved every moment. I don’t think I’m even homesick, really. I’m totally fine with being here for another month. In fact, I’m so excited that I get to be here for another month. I have a lot to look forward to as New York City gets ready for Christmas, and I’m so excited to experience a December New York.

But then I’ll be ready to go home. It’s a very weird place to be right now. I’m in New York and missing home, but I know that when I get home I’ll miss New York. It’s definitely a weird situation to be in, but it could be worse. It’s actually not a bad situation to be in when you think about it. I’m happy here and I’ll be happy when I’m home. I’ve realized that a semester is the perfect amount of time to study abroad. I can’t imagine being here for a year, and I don’t think I’d like to be. A semester has been the perfect amount of time for me, and I’m so glad I chose to do it.

There isn’t really a conclusion to this article, because I’m still not entirely sure how I feel. I’ll let you know in a month when I’m on my way home and have made up my mind. But don’t hold your breath. (I’m very confused right now.)