There are moments in life when we as people have realizations that time has moved pretty quickly. Moments that stop and hit us like a ton of bricks or an ACME dynamite kit. We go to bed one night getting tucked in by Mom and Dad and wake up with a job, mortgage, and a car payment. Then we have a thought. A thought that puzzles us. It puzzles us until our puzzlers are sore. Where did the time go? How did I get here? If it only took this long to get here, how long will the next twenty one years take?
If you follow my writings, you should know what’s about to come next. I write from experience and I write on my feelings; this is no different. As I sat at Bunten Road Park this past week, I had this realization that this will be my final summer vacation. Next year, I’ll be a college graduate with a BFA from Valdosta State University (God willing. Don’t make me stay, please), and it’ll be my turn to enter into society and find my calling.
This thought hit me like a soccer ball kicked to the face. If you’re wondering why I chose that analogy, well I took a soccer ball to the face later that day for good measure and it kinda felt like that. I’m working at a day camp for kids this summer and 3 p.m. soccer gets very intense. Anyways, as I sat at the front desk slowly but surely realizing that my childhood fantasies of finding Neverland had never materialized. I was growing up. No, forget that. I basically am grown up. One year from now, I will have a job and it won’t be making sure that Jaden doesn’t steal a lollipop and Lyric stays with her group.
I leaned back in my chair and the whole room seemed to slow. Kids strolled past, adults spoke to one another, and my peers executed their jobs while I observed. In that foyer, there were people in all different stages of life going about their day as though there was nothing else going on.
I looked to the children first. They were the happiest by far. Their smiles radiated, lighting up the entire room. Their voices and laughter echoed throughout the halls and rooms. They seemed to be magnified as though they all had little microphones attached to their shirts. Innocent thoughts and vibrant faces as they strolled by the desk without a care in the world.
Next came the adults. Their faces are worn and their smiles are touched ever so briefly with hints of pain. Their laughs are not as loud nor as uplifting. However, their words slip through the fits of laughter from the children reaching my ears. Each sentence imparts new knowledge and advice adding to the age old saying “with age comes wisdom.” They enjoy what they do. That is evident by the reactions to the children’s joy as they walk by. Every smile a child sends their way is met with a smile in return.
Finally, I look at my peers. The ones that are within three or four years in either directions. It is their jobs to ensure that the little ones don’t get too out of hand that the real adults have to step in. They fall somewhere in the middle. There is a hint of innocence that still resides in many of them, while also a clear presence of pain of their own kind. They enjoy the moment for the most part. They like being with the kids and this job will suffice for the time being. Be that as it may, their thoughts drift to the future. They can’t wait to reach that next milestone. They think toward the next mountain while still working on the one in front of them. Like the children, their lives move quickly from day to day quite quickly. Like the adults, they are aware that time is passing but what is unique to them is unawareness of the current moment.
All of that ran through my mind in a matter of fifteen to thirty seconds. Like I said, soccer ball to the face. I started trying to rationalize which part I could identify with the most. I wanted to be with the children. Just happy with what I have but that sure wasn’t me. Part of me wanted to be as wise as the adults carrying on their conversations but again that still wasn’t me. Not one ounce of me wanted to be with my peers, completely unaware of the precious moments that were passing me by as I sat at my desk. In that moment, I didn’t identify with any of them. In that moment, I was simply observing.
That’s where the realization came in. My last summer. I spent the rest of the day thinking about my past summer vacations. My high school years that were spent in the film room or practicing with my teammates. My middle school days where my daily routine consisted of waking up, showering, and heading two doors over to hang out with the my childhood best friend. Finally, my elementary school years where I believed I would be a combination of Luke Skywalker and Tom Brady when I grew up (still secretly holding out for that).
Life is a long endeavor but time moves faster than we ever really know. I have no idea where the years went. I never imagined my last summer vacation coming around. There are only a few weeks left before I head back to school one last time.
A word to all those who are younger than me: Enjoy your summers and never wish them away.
