I’ve always been the only girl in my family, besides my mom, and it’s definitely been a learning experience when it comes to living with my brothers. It took me a long time to find my place because I felt that I was just too different.

I have one older brother and two younger brothers, so I am the second oldest of my siblings. The first three out of four of us were born in Cebu City, Philippines (so it was me, Nathaniel, the oldest and John, our younger brother.) Our baby brother, Alex, was born here in Jacksonville, Florida.

While I was growing up I always felt that I had to compete with my brothers academically. I don’t know why, but it always felt like I was in a race to gain recognition and honor from my parents. We went to the same elementary school, middle school and high school together and the difference between Nathaniel, John and I was that they were put into gifted classes and I was just left in “ordinary” classes.

Fast forward to high school: our parents wanted us to have a good education because they felt that they didn’t have that privilege in the Philippines, so they sent us three to Stanton. Nathaniel joined the International Baccalaureate (IB) program his sophomore year, I was in the AP/honors program for all four years and John joined IB in his junior year. There is a common notion that students who join IB at Stanton are the gifted ones who are able to handle more rigorous tasks. So during all my years there I felt quite insignificant compared to my brothers who I felt did better than me.

I never thought I was a smart kid and sometimes I thought it was because I was a girl.

And when it came to spending time together when we were little, I tried so hard to relate to them by watching the same shows, trying to play the same games and have the fearlessness of playing rough. Fortunately, I did end up liking those things and it stuck with me throughout my life. On family trips, I wouldn't have someone to talk to because John and Nathaniel always played around together. I usually sat quietly in my own thoughts. It wasn't until Alex came that I seized the opportunity to mold a sincere relationship with one of my brothers without trying to meet anyone's expectations. Although I care for and love all my brothers equally, I invested a lot of time in taking care of Alex since he was a baby because he was the youngest.

Over time things changed… during my senior year of high school, I still felt that I wasn’t as important; but I slowly began to worry less about being a number, I worried less about making other people happy and I began to think of myself and what I could do to embrace who I was among my siblings. My parents knew I was more responsible and trustworthy because I took care of my brothers and I took care of the house whenever they weren’t around. They knew I tried my best even though I felt that I wasn’t. Eventually, over the summer of 2016, I picked myself up and took advantage of my newfound self-confidence. I obtained better grades, joined as many extracurricular activities as I could and managed to keep myself from thinking the worst. I no longer saw myself as the only girl against three boys, I just saw myself and focused on what I could do for me.