I’ve always been someone to give my whole heart, and someone who cares and loves so deeply. When I love you, I love you with my whole heart and being; there is nothing I wouldn't do for the person I loved. And this may be one of the reasons why it took me so long to move on.
I’ve only ever been in love twice and it’s a great feeling, but the heartache afterwards is also the worst pain i’ve ever felt. Lost. Confused. Alone. I couldn't understand how two people could go from talking everyday and being such a big part of each other's lives, to nothing. To never talking at all.
I went through all the stages of depression. Denial- I convinced myself that he still cared, and I told myself that it was just temporary. Anger- I got mad at him and myself for everything that happened. Bargaining- I tried to be his friend and compromise. Telling myself that being friends was better than being nothing. Depression- I cried over him more than I’d like to admit. I felt like nothing mattered if I didn't have him. I’m now at the last step, the most important step: Acceptance.
When you’re in the moment it's hard to believe that time heals all wounds. At one point I honestly thought I was never going to move on. But sure enough months have passed and I have. It wasn't until recently when I realized I haven't thought about him in a long time. I use to wonder how he was, and if he was happy and then slowly thought about him less and less. Of course I do want him to be happy, but the desire to know has gone away.
One of the greatest things about moving on is that I can look back at the memories and smile. Re-reading old texts and looking at old picture use to be so painful, but now when I look at them now all I can do is smile. I smile because I find it amazing how in love we were and how happy he made me. I reminisce all the good times that we shared together. A favorite quote of mine is: “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”
Another great quote is: “Never regret something that once made you smile” and it’s true. If something made you happy, then why regret it? I’ll never regret it. It was a part of my life that I learned so much from. I will always be thankful for the lessons that the relationship and person taught me.
Moving on in simple terms is not caring. I don’t care about him anymore, I don’t care what he does, who he hangs out with, what he posts on social media. But I will always think he's a great guy and care about him as a person. Because honestly I do think he is an amazing person. And if you’re reading this right now, know that even though I’ve moved on and that we don’t talk-- I wish the best for you. Know that I’m thankful for getting to know you for the 9ish months that we were together. And that I’m thankful for all the memories (even the bad times) because they are lessons that I have learned from.
For anyone out there going through a breakup, for people who feel like it doesn't get better, know that it does. And when you make it to the day where you can finally say you’re over them. It is one of the greatest feelings in the world.