Dating was once very difficult for me, romance wasn’t the easiest concept for me to grasp. That’s probably why I can perfectly advise others now; I’ve made every mistake. I was a complete train wreck. Looking for love in all the wrong places, obsessing over people and feelings I had no control. Today, that has all changed due to self-acceptance. I, for one, have a bit of a complex mind; overwhelmed with curiosity and driven by the imagination my emotional intelligence comes as a double edged sword. Often times I find myself opposing the thought process of my male counterparts. Helping them see their problems from a different prospective. Using my words as tools to awaken their minds. Feeding their souls with ideologies that depicted life and dating more ingeniously.
Over time I developed the ability to handle confrontation without arguing. A phenomenal skill to hold when you’re dating. It was very apparent that arguing, angry only made me close-minded and defensive. Honestly, it was the unhealthiest part of my relationship. Ears broken by anger, processing situations became extremely draining, because I never really listened to my partner. Although I was always able to relinquish swollen egos with soothing words, ending relationships was habitually painful. As an Empath, possessing sensitivity is a gift and a curse. Equipped with comforting words, I’ve never met a person I couldn’t connect with. However, being so relatable made me vulnerable to lost souls in need of love.
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As a shield of protection, I preferred to have a pessimistic outlook on life. A bad habit developed strenuously over a period of time. No longer was I convicted to feel love, because it was now associated with agony. Viewing the world with the eyes of a troubled soul only destroyed my inner peace. Today I realize trusting people and surrounding myself with positivity is a key component of personal happiness. Those dark days are now over. Nevertheless, even my new zine outlook on life could not prepare me for the new challenges brought on by love.
Sultry and comforting my personality is frequently mistaken for sexual aura. Occasionally, I find myself overwhelmed by the presence of men. Simultaneously picking up on their sexually vibrations which at times is beyond discomforting. Hesitating to allow them into my personal space seemed to only entice them more. Sensitive empaths fall victim to touch, but that doesn’t mean we welcome intercourse. With that being said men tend to find me misleading. Questioning what I want from them. “Nothing” or “I don’t know” were usually my answers… until recently.
Now I want companionship, but not a boyfriend. Comfort, so if we do have sex it doesn’t feel like a mistake. The ability to talk freely without ridicule. A person I don’t have to label. Yes, the relationship would be deficient, but I rather not define my emotional connections with labels.
Freedom is most important to me. Self-discovery needs to take place before entering a relationship. The liberating feeling of knowing your significant purpose is a necessity. But then again, who likes going to bed alone? If an energy exchange is going to take place it should be with someone you truly care about. That way it feels like a natural experience without pressure.
We say things without meaning. To people we don’t care about. For things we don’t need. I’ve been in relationships, had sex and even confess feelings just because everyone else was doing it. Not once did I think twice about this idiotic behavior, it was the status quo. It wasn’t until losing the affection of a potential special someone did my perception of past activity change. His warm, consoling, selfless soul has touched me. A man whose character is attested by remarkable friendships. Shame is what I feel about my interaction with men before I met him. Our past makes us who we are, but it can also hinder our future. Stay true to yourself and make wise decision, because if not you might miss out on love.
