Thursday afternoon, we put my Ninny to rest. We put a mother to rest. We put a sister to rest. We put an aunt to rest. We put a wife to rest.
Thus far, it was the hardest day of my life. I say thus far because I believe I have harder days to come. While the past week was absolutely devastating, I have to admit I could see it being even more hurtful if I was someone else. That someone else being my grandpa. My 72-year-old grandpa who is now a widow.
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My grandparents celebrated their 50th anniversary on June 27. My grandmother passed away on Aug. 1. Imagine spending 50 years with the love of your life. Now, imagine spending 50 years with the love of your life, and then waking up one day without them. Heartbroken.
My heart goes out to my grandpa during this time. He slowly mopes around like he has no purpose in life with this blank expression in his eyes and this tender aching in his voice that gives you the impression he's liable to burst out into tears at any second. Looking at him makes me want to burst out in tears, also. The sorrow I see reflected in my grandpa is a direct reflection of the love he shared for my grandma. Deep and unyielding.
While watching my grandpa in this state of despair should be disheartening, it is the opposite. It makes me hopeful. I hope someday I love someone like my grandpa loves my grandma. I hope I love them with all I have for over 50 years. I hope they are my world. I hope I have children with them, and I hope my grandchildren look at our marriage and admire it. Like I do.
I watched the two of them together for 18 out of 50 years. I watched my grandpa help her out in the kitchen. I watched the two of them sit on the back porch together laughing. I watched my grandma answer phone calls from my grandpa, even if he had only been gone five minutes. I watched them jam to the '50s radio in the car. I watched only a few of the many memories they made, and I was still in awe.
I laughed at how they would pick on one another. I admired the high regard they had for each other. I saw their dedication to each other and to their marriage even in times of trouble. I look up to the man they raised, that in turn raised me. And I now know not only how to make a marriage last 50 years, but what a marriage should look like.
My grandpa told me that before my grandma even got sick she told him, “I pray I go first because God knows I cannot make it without you.” Her prayer was answered. She went to Heaven first, and my grandpa made her a promise. He told her not to worry because he would live a life well enough to meet her up there. It’s just going to take him some time.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18).
