I don’t know if it’s the sweet sound of 2017 in the air or if I’m just going a little crazy but I’ve been on a little kick lately. A kick, that is, in the form of trying new things on my own with little preparation or previous knowledge. I have always been a planner and an organizer and it gives me literal anxiety to jump into something blind. I need to set a plan with a date and time and be fully aware of all the little details ahead of time. I also often need someone to be with me to either walk me through it or simply provide moral support. I just don’t like looking like a noob, okay? I want to look like I know what I’m doing, as I’m sure plenty of other people do too.

Anyway, I say all of this because over winter break I got a huge hankering to go to yoga. Now, I’ve never been to an actual yoga studio and had no idea what I would do once I got there because, of course I just wanted to walk right in like I had been there a thousand times but I hadn’t (If anyone knows a word for this feeling of social anxiety, please let me know). The class I wanted to go to didn’t start until four in the afternoon, so I kid you not, I sat around nervous until then, wanting to leave at just the right time so I wouldn’t be too early or too late. It’s not like I had anything else to do really, so I had the time. I drove the whole three minutes to get to the studio and walked sheepishly inside and revealed myself as an imposter. I followed the instructions given to me and moved around the lobby and locker room like a mouse trying to stay out of everyone’s way, and eventually made my way into the warm oasis of the studio and unrolled my untouched mat on the floor. Not even five minutes into class, I fell in love. The people were friendly and chatty and everyone was so into their practice that it made me smile. I came back every day after that and gained more confidence walking through the doors. I can’t wait to start going to the one near school now that I’m back.

This was a pretty small occurrence and probably not one that should carry the weigh that it did, but I was actually proud of myself for doing something new, and all by myself at that. Living in a sorority for the past two and a half years created this sense of dependency on other people to do things with me, and while it’s nice to have people to go somewhere and do things with you, it can’t always be the case. The last time I did something for the first time on my own was flying to California by myself just this last summer, and I thought that was huge. I’m just not used to having to do things by myself but there is something empowering about it that I like. It inspires me to continue to act on something just because I want to do it and not let the fear of looking dumb or uncool overcome me. It has stopped me from doing a lot of things in the past, and I’m honestly just over it. I’m about to do some big things this year that I’ve never done before and will have to jump in and go for. Sometimes you have to leave a little bit of the planning behind and do things for yourself because you want to do it and leave the uncertainty behind. I want this year to be about doing things for myself because I know the good it will do, and reaping the benefits of a more confident lifestyle is something I’ve been missing for a while.