It's been a while. Honestly, I didn't think I'd be writing this but here we are. I have a multitude of reasons for doing this. One is because this is a medium in which I can express my thoughts as much as possible. Another is because I don't want to create a long and sappy Facebook post and make all my friends have to read it whereas now they have the choice to read it. Anyways, here goes nothing I guess. I'll start this off with a statement that I've only recently come to know as a realistic idea: God is good.
I say that not to shock you into thinking that I thought He somehow wasn't good but rather, I had the head knowledge but now that I've seen it and experienced it in a real sense, I find that I understand what it really means. Everything God has for you and I is good. Even the things we see as unfortunate and storms we have to overcome are God being good to us.
Let me put this in a real-life story. For the last few years, my grandmother has been struggling with dementia. She slowly would forget certain things, events, and eventually who her family is. That is, she wasn't able to recognize me, my sister, my dad (her son), etc. It really is a horrible disease. Anyways, since August she's been in assisted living, hospitals, and memory care to try and help her still live a life that is enjoyable. This means that she wasn't with my grandfather and when we would go visit she would always ask "When can I go home?" as if she was just there for a couple days or hours. These last 6 months have been tough for her and my family, however God is so good.
I find that if I say something enough then I'll start believing it. This is true with phrases like "I can eat all this pizza" and "I don't need seconds" but not with phrases like "I will get a call from the Indianapolis Colts to be their new owner". Over the last few weeks, I've been saying to myself and God the phrase "and if not, He is still good" meaning that I would have loved to see my grandmother make a full and miraculous recovery, but if not, God is still good. When it seemed like she was getting worse I would repeat that phrase even if it didn't seem real. It reminded me of Daniel's faith in the Old Testament (Daniel 3:8). He knew who is God was and is and put his hope in Him alone. Not in medicine, not in things, not in people, but in the One who created all of that.
With all that being said, I write this heavy-hearted. As badly as I wanted to see my grandmother make a full recovery here on earth, she didn't. She ended up entering into Heaven. My grandmother was one of my best friends. She was, still is, and will probably continue to be one of my heroines of the faith.
I can't lie that I took it well. I had my moment of disbelief that she's really gone. I had my moment of weeping. I had my moment of not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything. All within about 30 minutes. But then I had my moment of crying out to God and man, God is good. I don't exactly have the words to describe Him but all I know is that I should have probably been more upset about the passing of my grandmother, my spiritual hero, but I wasn't. I can't describe the peace that swept over me other than it has to have been God and He is good.
If you've made it this far then wow. I'm impressed. The one thing I would say is this: live life with an open hand. That's the main thing I learned from my grandmother. God has given you and me things that we don't really own but think we do. Our finances, possessions, houses etc. even the people in our lives are things we don't actually own and need to be ready to let go of when God calls us to. That's not to say to not value or treasure them but quite the opposite; treasure the people you have in your life. Don't white knuckle the things and people in your life but rather live life with an open hand ready to give to others and ready to receive the blessings from God.
With all of that, God is so good. I'm envious of my grandmother because I know Who she's with now and I can't wait to join her in worshipping my King. Much love and God bless.
