With strength, flows forgiveness.
And I forgive you.
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Truly.
With every fiber in me.
For making me feel so small and worthless, I forgive you.
For taking advantage of my kindness and walking all over my true intentions, it's okay.
For stripping me of my identity slowly and then all at once, I forgive you.
I forgive you for trying to quiet me- for trying to calm the storm inside of me.
For stealing me of my passion.
Everything I once stood for seemed so distant.
You turned my whole world upside down right before my eyes, and I let it happen.
But the bitter feelings I hold toward you, there are none.
You were so undeserving of my forgiveness, but it was deemed an effortless headway for me.
And for as easy as it was to forgive you, it's been a struggle to learn to forgive myself.
But I know I must.
Because what once crippled me to my knees is now allowing me to thrive.
To freely embrace again all of the love and consideration I tried so endlessly to show you, time after time again.
Despite all that you took from me, you have also left the utmost inspiration.
How beautiful an opportunity to be a voice among those who need to hear it- someone who needs to know they aren't alone in their struggle, someone who is blinded to the fact that they are worthy of so much more in this life.
Because at one time, I was that someone. And I had never felt more alone in my life.
I'd crumble to pieces and pick myself back up.
It was a relentless cycle.
It was emotionally exhausting.
But I did it.
I fought, I persevered.
Still then there was never a moment of clarity.
And to you, I am so sorry for remaining hopeful in a helpless situation.
I am sorry I defended you for so long to everyone who cared about me.
Because they were right, and in defending you, I was more so trying to convince myself.
I am sorry for sticking around so long, only dragging things out.
And with that, I am sorry you don't know God.
Because every time you knocked me down, I prayed for the strength to get back on my feet.
I prayed for you, too, and I still do.
Now, I stand more solid in my faith.
It's so clear to me that the pain and confusion you caused was so short lived compared to the goodness I've come out with.
So, thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you for breaking me so badly and leaving me with all the pieces to put back together.
For giving me the chance to build myself back up each time you'd tear me down.
Because of you, I am so strong.
I've found strength inside of me I never knew I had.
I've become familiar with the difference between being caring and being naive.
Because of you, I now know that I don't have to constantly bend over backward in order to feel like I am enough.
Thank you for showing me that I am capable of loving someone beyond their flaws.
Thank you for making me feel so absolutely meaningless, because as a result, I know what I am worth.
And I am ever so confident in the fact that there is someone out there who will offer the same patience and understanding I tried so ceaselessly to show you.
Because of you, I will never settle. Ever.
I will know when to walk away.
I will cling to only that of a gentle and compassionate spirit, who will love me unconditionally and wish no harm, physically or verbally, no matter how irrational or difficult I may become.
Thank you for opening my eyes to all of the love I have in this life and all that I have to be thankful for.
Because of you, I will never veer so far away from my values.
I will stay true to myself, always, and I will listen to my heart (and my mom) like I should have all along.
I will chase happiness, and I will see better days.
I will see a better me because of you.
As for now, it's been similar to that of a recovery process.
I'm learning to be myself again, I'm learning to live a life I've always imagined.
For those of you reading this, I wish not for pity- the hurt is gone. And there is so much beauty in healing.
I am filled with more peace than I thought possible.
I feel unstoppable, with the world at my fingertips.
My experience has greatly put things into perspective for me, and while I know there is much worse out there, I'm nearly positive everyone is carrying their own burden.
Some carry it better than others.
But no matter what, we're all faced with obstacles for a reason.
For a purpose that will prevail.
To grow as a person. To become all that we are supposed to be. To learn. To appreciate.
And it does get better. It gets SO much better.
Things will fall into place as they should.
It just takes time. And all good things come with time.
