I didn’t realize how much time I spent around other people until they were gone. Over Thanksgiving break I stayed in Boston, while all of my friends travelled home. I had a few offers to stay at friends’ homes for the week, however being vegan, it would be a challenge to accommodate this for Thanksgiving, and I also had a lot of work to catch up on.
Not only did I have a huge final project finish, I was getting a bit restless having people around me constantly. Although an introvert, I seem to always be doing something with someone. I find also that I’m the one to pick up the phone to invite company. If I’m in need of food, study time, or an adventure, my first thought is to call someone to tag along. It is not at all that I’m afraid of doing my own thing, instead I assume everything would be more enjoyable with companionship.
I really hadn’t given this trend much thought until I didn’t have anyone to do anything with over break. I realized that it was uncharacteristic of me to have gotten in this dependency habit at all. In high school, I prided myself on being able to stay home from a house party and not experience FOMO, and enjoyed escaping to my room after a long day of unwanted social interaction. I had just as many friends back then, if not more, and valued their friendship the same way I do with my college relationships.
It was weird to cook dinner by myself without my roommate, and odd to not have to find a multi-person table at a coffee shop. I was alone, and It felt weird! However unnatural it felt, there was such peace in the solitude of it. I stayed in bed longer in the morning to read my book, and I even watched a few movies. I remembered what it felt like to really chill out, without the pressure of class or other plans later in the day. I usually resent staying in and feeling cooped up, but it was surprisingly refreshing and rejuvenating to not change out my pajamas and stay horizontal under the covers for more time than usual.
Towards my last few days without human interaction, I realized that I had needed a break from everyone. Feeling like an angst-y high school me, I wished I had a few more days all alone to myself, and did not want to have to go back to sharing space with my roommate or spending time among others.
It is the norm to consider human nature as craving companionship. We consider people who like their time alone as anti-social, which carries a negative connotation. Having friends or a significant other is heavily prized, and considered what you ought to do. I think alone time is definitely undervalued. This past week has reminded me that having a lack of social interaction can be just as good for your mental health, if not better, than trying to distract yourself in leaning on others for attention and assurance.
Although I have definitely morphed into more of a people person than my high school self, this break showed me that I actually preferred to do a lot things on my own time and in my own space. It’s funny, because, the past few days having everyone back, I haven’t really had a moment to myself. Even writing this in my apartment at the moment, three of my friends are surrounding me, doing their own work.
