To my friend and to myself...

A few of my friends came back to the city after their first semester in college. I tend to surround myself with a lot of people from different backgrounds to learn about experiences, and since I am living at home I wanted to know everything about dorming, college life, classes and anything else they could tell me about the life I so desperately wanted.

One of my friends had just came back from a great school down south. She looked so happy and had stories for days. As we were scrolling through Instagram, she started to complain about her looks and worth, and compared herself to the women we saw on the popular page. I was confused because this gorgeous girl in front of me was comparing herself to other women that she has never even met before. Now, to be honest, everyone does that, but when does that become harmful? I think that there is a very thick line between admiring the beauty in others and hating every part of yourself that you don’t see in others.

I used to be that way. After being bullied in elementary and middle school, I wanted to be like the others girls in my class, mainly because I didn’t look like them and wasn't content in my own “weirdness”. Now I do not believe in thanking the haters, but after middle school, I definitely started to love myself more and embraced my “weirdness”. I realized that you and your squad can all equally be beautiful. There is no need for competition, and at this point it's just childish. It’s middle school pettiness, and aren’t we too old for that?

I live in the school of thought that you determine your self-worth based off of yourself, meaning that you determine what you need to work on by watching yourself, not others. If you do watch the success of others, it is only as inspiration and not a means to destroy yourself. I think that it is great to have inspiration and people you look up to. I look up to my friends, family members, Rihanna and Beyonce (because why not), and many other people. I learn from their success and failures, whether it has to do with makeup and fashion or whether it’s from career advances that I see my peers making. Instead of moping around because you aren’t the one working at Goldman Sachs for the summer or you don’t have ten thousand followers on Twitter, why don’t you work on it?

These people that you want to be like should only be a template of what you want to look like, work like, or whatever you like about them. And furthermore, you shouldn’t even have to use others as a template, because we all have our own journeys and paths. You never know what someone went through or is going through to get to the place that they are in right now. We all have time to grow and time to build on our imperfections, but I would rather work on things that will benefit me more than on imaginary problems that I would never have noticed had I not compared myself to my peers. I will never value myself on how others see me or on where I’m “supposed” to be at this point in my life because each day is a milestone and a goal that I have achieved, whether it’s as small as coming to class early or as large as getting more scholarship money. I know that maybe right now might not be my peak, but I’ll get there soon and I believe that I will poppin’.

To my friend who felt like she had to overcompensate to be like the women she saw on Instagram – in my eyes you're already like that. Not only are you a beautiful and smart person, but you’re inspiring and innovative. You don’t need to be like those girls on Instagram, and you don’t need some boy to tell you that you’re cute. You’re worthy and amazing and other people shouldn’t matter to you as much as you do. I hope you find the courage to love yourself the way that I think you should, but until then I will help you find that courage.