On my walk home from campus, Monday afternoon, a man probably 10 years older than me stopped at a red light, made a dramatic and more than likely illegal U-turn and pulled up next to me. My fight or flight response instantly kicked in. I tried to remember every self-defense move my mother had ever taught me, anything that would save my life if it came down to it. He rolled down the window and I forced my brain to remember every single line and wrinkle on his face. Short hair, barely hanging down onto his forehead, dark brown/almost black eyes, slight downward slant, wide set nose, dark olive complexion, seemingly a descendant of an Asian country.
"Hey, are you going far?"
"No, sir." I smile, but I don't mean it.
"Are you sure? I could take you anywhere you need to go."
"No, I'm quite alright, thank you."
"Well, can I at least have your number?"
"Sorry, I'm not interested."
The encounter ended there for me, but with some women, they aren't so lucky. For some women, their lives end there. In the first two months of 2016, 14 women in the U.S. were attacked for refusing a man's advances. In just January and February, 14 women were assaulted for saying something people say every day. When did the word "no" become grounds for assault and battery?
Despite reports that violent crime has generally declined since the 1990s, between 2004 and 2011, 40 percent of women experiencing gender-based violence previously disclosed to someone; however, just seven percent reported to a formal source. So, what is gender-based violence, and why is it going unreported? To put it simply, gender-based violence is violence that only affects or disproportionately affects women. What distinguishes gender-based violence from other types of violence is not just that it affects women, but that violent crimes are committed, simply for the fact that the victims are women. One type of gender-based violence is domestic violence. Gender-based violence can result in long-lasting physical, mental, emotional, psychological and economic damage to its victims. Violent acts committed against women can go unreported for a number of reasons, but most startlingly because victims are frequently met with injustice. In Newport News and Williamsburg-James City, VA, combined, only 37 percent of rape cases reported from 2005 to 2013 resulted in a conviction.
On my walk home from work on another night, a young man promised me a "good time" if I agreed to go out with him. I said no. When I turned him down, I went from the most beautiful woman he'd seen all night to a list of expletives and adjectives a mile long. I felt so unsafe. I found myself reaching into my purse for my keys, rationalizing to myself that I could use them as a weapon if needed. I need to stress here that I am not a violent person, and I spend plenty of time walking to many places at various times of day — basically, it takes a lot to rattle me. But I felt so uncomfortable in the presence of this man. I had to threaten to call the cops for him to leave me alone. But some women don't even feel as though the law is on their side. For some women, the law isn't on their side.
So, how do we change it? Empowering women isn't just enough, and teaching women self defense isn't enough. Women aren't the ones who need to change, their attackers do — their predominantly male attackers are what need to change. The culture needs to change. The "boys will be boys" mentality is causing young boys and men to grow up internalizing gender stereotypes and aggression, and growing up with the notion that brute strength and force are means of getting one's way. In 2007, 75 percent of all violent crime was committed by men— approximately 3.7 times more than women. We need to stop raising young girls and women to defend themselves against violence, and start teaching young boys and men to not be violent.
On my walk home last week, yesterday, tonight, I survived. But not every woman does.
Disclaimer: It is important to note here that I do acknowledge that men are also victims of violent attacks and sexual assault and are also shamed into silence. But as aforementioned, gender-based violence occurs more often to women than men.
