I feel comfortable in a comics shop. I can walk into a comic book store, spend entirely too much money on three trade paperbacks worth of my favorite comics, and leave without any problems. I can shoot the breeze with the cashier about what’s happening in the realm of comic books without having to prove the fact that I’m a “real comics fan” or being patronized about the things I already know about.

I can do that. My friends can’t. The difference is, I’m a man, while the majority of my friends aren’t.

The status of nerd culture in general as a “boys only” club is an irritatingly persistent stereotype that keeps nerds of all shapes, sizes, and genders from feeling included within the realms of their interests. Nerd culture’s exclusivity is proven to be less true day after day, year after year, but male nerds continue to pretend that nerdy women either don’t exist or are some sort of manic pixie dream girl for them to chase after like they owe them something. Parading around the idea that nerds can only, be male is a toxic, dangerous, and ultimately harmful precedent to set, closing off nerd culture to the vast spectrum of perspectives and voices available from women.

Even when more “feminine” nerdy interests, like fanfiction or shipping (from “relationship”), are acknowledged, they are often shunted to the side and regarded as less important than more traditional interests, like memorabilia collection or learning all there is to know about a given franchise. It doesn’t matter the quality of the writing in the fanfiction or whatever art is produced of that ship, the fact that it’s fanfiction/shipping immediately disqualifies it from being taken seriously in the eyes of entitled male nerds. Sometimes, if the thing in question has a predominantly female audience, then male nerds will refuse to take anything produced or done by its fans seriously. Furthermore, if a predominantly male fandom gets a sudden influx of female fans, the men will take it upon themselves to make the women feel as unwelcome as possible. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve logged on to Twitter to look at pro wrestling news or reactions and encountered male wrestling fans decrying female wrestling fans for supposedly only liking wrestling because the wrestlers are attractive. First of all, there’s nothing wrong with finding or not finding wrestlers attractive; it’s only human. Second, the idea of all women only liking something for purely superficial reasons is shallow, sexist, and insulting. Women have just as much capacity to think critically as men do, sometimes even moreso. Third, this sort of discriminatory attitude drives people away from finding something that they might enjoy or even love by making them feel unwelcome, starving a piece of media of a new audience and greater attention. Nerd culture is only harmed from this rabid, self-imposed insularity.

Male nerds also like to conveniently forget the contributions women have made to nerd culture. The very first work of science fiction and one of the pillars upon which nerd culture is founded, Frankenstein, was written by Mary Shelley. Women have left their mark on science fiction and fantasy and brought new fans into the fold who would’ve never gone near nerd culture otherwise. The works of Ursula K. LeGuin, J.K. Rowling, Margaret Atwood, and Anne McCaffrey are indelible parts of the legacy of literary speculative fiction, and their contributions to nerd culture cannot be ignored. Moving away from books, we have directors like Patty Jenkins and Katheryn Bigelow making incredible Hollywood films, and there are many more female directors on the independent circuit. In the world of video games, we have Amy Hennig, a writer known for her work on the Jak and Daxter and Uncharted series, Bonnie Ross, the founder and head of 343 Industries, the company that took over the Halo franchise from Bungie, and extremely talented voice actresses like Laura Bailey, Jennifer Hale, and Mary Elizabeth McGlynn. In comic books, there are writers like Gail Simone, Amanda Conner, and Fiona Staples writing and drawing some of the best comics out there right now. The point I’m trying to make is that, no matter the medium, women are making their voices heard in nerd culture, in spite of the men trying their hardest to ignore them.

In the end, nerd culture won’t be able to survive if it continues to exclude women from its ranks, even though they’ve already made contributions to it. Nerd culture needs to step away from this self-imposed isolationism so new people of all genders can come in and experience nerd culture for themselves without fear of discrimination. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve never engaged in the behaviors I’m speaking out against in this article; I’ve been guilty of doing them in the past. But I learned from my mistakes and now, like many others, I support the women in nerd culture, both fans and creators. But more needs to be done, so that anyone can feel like they belong in a comic shop.